Remembering Mom And Celebrating A Legacy

It's been exactly ten years since family and friends were called to say our final goodbyes to my mom as she fought tenaciously for ten months in a battle she finally lost to stage four breast cancer. As I think back to those last few days with her on this earth, there was so much of who she was becoming being manifest to each of us. She was looking forward into eternity and encouraging us with every step as her time in this world was drawing short. A few days after the announcement had come that she had a maximum of six months without treatment and a maximum of 18 months with treatment, she shared with one of her fellow church members during a time of church-wide prayer for their healing, "No matter what happens, we win!" Her attitude was infectiously positive even in the middle of trying circumstances. She always set her sights on what was possible and encouraged others to do the same in every aspect of life. She was the kind of person that people write songs about, and in fact, my best friend in the whole world, Willie, did just that.



My mom left this world at age 61 after 43 years of marriage, but I can't really bring myself to say that she died. As the philosopher Dallas Willard has said, "We are each unceasing spiritual beings with an eternal destiny in God's great universe." And as another philosopher and writer C.S. Lewis has said, "You have never met a mere mortal." When my mom left this world to be with Jesus, we mourned her departure, and celebrated the small part of her life we witnessed. And in those few years from then until now, I believe that each of us who knew her has tried to imitate her faith. You see, we can't live our lives in exactly the same way, but we can be imitators of the faith that we witness in those around us and those who have come before us. In some ways, that is one of the most beautiful gifts we can carry, and we can pass on to others who will walk this world long after we have breathed our last.

So much has happened in these last ten years. Her oldest grandchild graduated from a prestigious institution of higher learning, and her youngest grandchild only recently was born. My dad, my sister, my brother, and myself have each sought to deepen and enrich our own walks of faith, and live as a sign, a foretaste, and an instrument of God's Kingdom come, and His will being done on earth as it is in heaven--to the best of our ability.

There have been so many incredible experiences I've had over these last ten years that I wish I could share with my mom. I wish she would have been able to spend more time with Jamie, and celebrate with us on our wedding day. I wish she could have been able to meet Sylvia, and hold her and be one more experienced voice encouraging my wife as she entered into the joys and anxieties that are unique to motherhood. I wish I could have shared just a few of the photos, stories, and adventures I've been privileged to enjoy over these last ten years.

But its not just the stories from my life that I'd love to share. I wish she could see what a disciplined athlete my sister has become, and how her life has flourished over these last few years as she started running and winning trophies for her exploits on roads and trails. I wish she could have seen Dad heroically come back from a heart attack that would have killed most people. She would have loved to have seen the way he fought back and strengthened his heart, and how he gives so generously of himself to care for each of us kids and for so many others. And I wish she could see what a servant leader my brother has continued to be as well. She would have been so impressed with his recent 90 mile bike ride and the way he has led the carpool van for his work by waking up a little after 4AM every weekday for nearly 20 years to drive 8-10 coworkers over an hour to work.

Not that she wasn't proud of us before these last ten years, because she definitely was. She was a huge source of encouragement and inspiration for just about every person with whom she crossed paths. Moments of loss, as painful as they are, remind us to walk gently on this earth, and to love others deeply while we can. Seeing my mom in those last hours, unrelenting in her care for each of us as friends and family gathered in prayer, mourning and strange as it may seem, laugher, those images have become seared in my memory and in my own internal compass as I continue to seek to imitate her persevering and unshakeable tenacity and faith. Even until her last breath, she loved deeply, she ran her race strong, and she never wavered in her care for the rest of us.

If you knew my mom, you know what a special lady she was. And if you didn't, I hope you get the privilege of meeting her one day. Mom's have a special relationship with their children, and while each of us continues to live out our life with zeal and determination, I think each one of us kids (and Dad too), has those moments to this day, when all is quiet, and we have at the same time a deep sense of loss, and a deeper sense of appreciation for each moment we have.

May each of us walk gently on this earth, filled with compassion for others, and with a deep sense of awe for this beautiful place and the wonderful relationships with which the Creator of the universe has blessed each of us. And, may He give each of us space, as we need it, to grieve fully and fearlessly for those, like my mom, who have gone on to be with Jesus before us.

Reflection: Remembering Mom Nine Years Later

It was nine years ago on this day that I cut off most of my hair as per Shawnee mourning tradition; one year later, I cut off the rest of it, and have kept it short since. It was just a little after 1PM when my mom breathed her last breath on this earth and went off to be with Jesus. I vividly remember those last hours in a hospital room surrounded by family and friends who had gathered to give one-sided goodbyes. The goodbyes were one-sided because my mom spoke her last words during the evening before. My last two-way exchange with her happened that evening. My last words to her that evening were “Goodnight Mom, I love you,” as I turned and walked out the door to her hospital room. Her last words to me were, “I love you” as I walked out of the room. She loved all of us so well.

In the weeks leading up to her departure, she had started calling me her warrior and my older sister her princess. To this day, when I hear the term warrior, I think of my mom, her battle with cancer, and her bestowing that name on me. She was one of the greatest warriors I have ever known, and she taught so many of us about what service and love look like.

Even during her last days, she was befriending the custodial and nursing staff of the hospital and looking to brighten their days. How she spent those last days was similar to how I watched her spend so many other days throughout her life. She was caring for others and speaking words of potential and hope into everyone. Those last few days, she shared visions with us, and so much joy. Her last morning and afternoon on earth, she was literally surrounded by people who loved her, who were praying with and for her right up to the point she departed this world into the world to come. Even at her funeral, it was less of a time of mourning and grief (although in our family culture we believe in slowing down and mourning in fullness), and more of a time of celebration and joy at heaven’s gain, as well as the fact that my mom would no longer suffer.

It’s nine years later, and as I write, the strong mix of emotions is just as fresh and as potent as it was on that early afternoon in a hospital room. My mom ran her race well and finished strong! She gave each of us who knew her a legacy and an example to which we could all strive to live in accordance—a legacy and an example of honor and compassion—a legacy of hope. I'm grateful that friends like Willie wrote beautiful songs like this one to help others who may not have known her get an idea of who she was. She was the kind of person people write songs about.

When Mom was diagnosed in summer 2006, her physician told her that she had a maximum of six months to live without treatment, and eighteen months with; she went to be with Jesus about 11 months after the news hit. When I talked to her about it she said the main thing she felt was sadness about leaving dad and us kids behind. She loved so much and so well.

A couple of months into her first round of chemotherapy, as her hair was starting to come out, she had made herself some bandannas to cover her head. The people of her church had gathered to pray for her and for another gentleman who had been diagnosed with another form of cancer. She looked that man in the eyes and reminded him, and all of us, “No matter what happens, we win!” That was exactly the kind of hope and faith my mom lived every one of her days with.

Each year, as the anniversary of my mom’s departure from this world arrives, I try to take some time to ruminate over different memories—not just of that last year, but of her whole life. The last months are among the most memorable because it seemed that every single one of those days, we had each committed our lives to living more purposefully. The beautiful irony of that intentionality is that it really wasn’t a significant shift for my mom or for any of the rest of us kids and dad. We lived the years leading up to her diagnosis with the same sense of service, compassion, and laughter—we were just more keenly aware of the limited time we had together after the diagnosis.

And today, as I think back on Mom and all that has happened from that last day with her till now, I am filled with joy and gratitude—her memory reminds each of us to stay on purpose, remember family, and look out for the needs for others. I pray that as the years keep rolling forward, that the rest of us who knew her will continue to live in that same spirit, and maybe that our lives will be a small piece of encouragement to others as well.

Five Years

Today marks five years since my mom left this world and journeyed to be with Jesus. The time has passed so quickly. It really feels weird to think about how much my life and the life of my family has changed since she went home to be with Jesus. I wish she could have been around to see it all, and that she was still here with us, but she has gone on to a far better place. She no longer suffers the challenges of high blood pressure, type two diabetes, congestive heart failure or metastatic invasive carcinoma breast cancer. And when I list out all of those challenges she faced daily, it makes it even more impressive she stayed with us for as long as she did. 

In 2007, I cut a significant amount of my hair in honor of my mom, and in 2008, I cut the remainder of my locks in honor of her, and to mourn her loss as per our Shawnee tradition. I’ve not grown it back since. My brothers, Chuck and Willie, both made sacrifices of their locks as well. Chuck even shaved his mustache—a permanent fixture on his face since the 80s. Even Willie’s son Christian shaved his head in honor of my mom. Willie also wrote this beautiful song to honor and remember her upon her passing. It still brings tears to my eyes as the memories come flooding back of her courageous last days on this earth.

I started my first garden the year my mom died. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot through my dabblings in local agriculture, but more than anything, I’ve been reminded of lessons she and Dad taught me about planting, growing, harvesting, and hard work. Of course like any kid, I didn’t enjoy the discipline at the time, but I can look back with immense gratitude now.

And within a month of mom saying goodbye, I began to have serious conversations about global poverty and international development withmy longtime friends Jake Harriman and John Hancox. These conversations along with extensive reading and research on the subject, and much prayer, fasting, and wrestling, led me to a significant career change as I joined my friends as they started Nuru International. I’m grateful that I have been able to deepen my service to others, and invite more people to confront the crisis of extreme poverty in our world. I really wish mom could have been here to see what we have been able to accomplish in the five years since she died, but I am incredibly grateful my dad has been here cheering us on in this work.

And a little over a year ago, I got married. I wish my mom could have spent more time with Jamie. She’s absolutely incredible, and I think they would have absolutely loved each other. They are two of the best examples I know when it comes to compassion and caring for people around them.

And then there’s my sister. She left a ten year job at a doctor’s office to start a new career this year. Not only that, but my sister has become quite the runner. It seems like every weekend she is getting a new trophy or award for her running exploits. Since the year my mom went to be with Jesus, Becky has led our family in participation with the Wood County Relay For Life. Mom was never able to attend—the first year, she was in ICU. Little did we know she would be leaving so soon. And Becky had her own bout with cancer in 2007 too. Just a month after mom’s parting, she had a malignant melanoma removed. She’s a survivor.

Dad was walking twelve miles a day, and riding his bike 20-30 miles 2-3 times per week after mom died. And then in 2009, he had a massive heart attack. It was utterly unexpected. Dad has always been healthier than most people half his age. Since that attack he doesn’t walk twelve miles a day anymore, but he is probably in better shape and eating better than ever before. As much as we kids miss mom, Dad lost his best friend of 43 years. Dad continues to be an example of generosity and compassion to others too. He supports Becky at virtually every race she runs, and he maintains his garden the way he has done for years and gives away significant portions of its bounty.

My brother, well he is still working in the same job, but his level of responsibility keeps increasing. He’s an extremely talented engineer. And he lives and loves sacrificially with his time. He’s up at 430AM virtually every day to drive himself and several coworkers to work and stays up late to make sure dogs are walked and chores are done. And further, his son has graduated high school and is a student at Notre Dame (not WVU, but still not a bad education).

And in the last five years, each one of us has grown in our faith as well as in our service to others. My dad just recently took the steps to join his church and was baptized the same day.

On Mom's last trip to the hospital, my sister, dad, and I spent the day with her, and I left the hospital to drive to Morgantown to receive my MA in English. I leaned down to hug her and told her, “I’ll try to make you proud tomorrow mom.” As I stood up, she looked at me with her eyes filled of compassion, as she breathed deeply from the oxygen tube running under her nose. She smiled and said, “Every day you make me proud.” Those words echo in my mind every time I think of her. She loved each one of us well, and she showed us by example, even during her last days, how to love the people who cross our paths in seemingly random ways.

I wish mom was still with us, but one day we will reunite with much rejoicing. And until that day, we will labor, and dedicate the remainder of our days to love God and love others well, and to work to serve our neighbors both locally and globally. I know that if she were here, she would continue to be so proud of each of us. I know she would be cheering us on alongside Dad, and she would be cheering Dad on as he maintains his health and faith so well.

Wherever and whoever you are, you have an opportunity today to make a choice. You and I have an opportunity each day to pour out a legacy of hope and compassion, to wisely steward the gifts we have been given, to love well, and to live well. And I pray we may live as an example worth imitating as we walk this earth, just like Mom.

Remembering Uncle Bob

Although, I know he won’t read this, I feel like I needed to write something to honor my uncle and remember him. He went to be with Jesus last Monday, and I attended his funeral on Friday with my dad and sister as well as several other uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends. The photo above was taken just a few days before he went to be with Jesus. In the photo from left to right are Bob, Kenny, Dad, and Russell. All of them except Dad have dealt with some form of cancer personally.

I only met my uncle Bob a handful of times while he was alive and honestly didn’t know him that well. I know he loved his family very much, and that he would call to check up on his brothers periodically from his home in Oklahoma and from Michigan where my cousin Regina lives.

I learned something that I didn’t know while attending my uncle’s funeral. My aunt Ginny, his wife, came up to me and acted to comfort me, knowing that it wasn’t too long ago I was standing in the same building while friends neighbors and relatives paid their last respects to my mom. She leaned in and told me that my uncle Bob read my blog all of the time. In fact, she said it was the last thing he did before he died.

I can’t fully describe the way I felt when she told me that. I was honored and humbled all at the same time. There have been moments that I’ve contemplated pulling the plug on this blog, but I don’t foresee that happening now. My blog was my uncle’s window to what was happening with family, an encouragement to his faith, and at times a source of laughter for him and his family.

I told my dad what my aunt had said, and he said that every time he talked to Uncle Bob, he would mention things he had read in my blog, and he would compliment my writing ability and the notes I would post. My cousin Regina told me that toward the end, his vision had blurred, and he had asked her to read my blog posts to him.

I never had much opportunity to talk with my uncle on this side of the veil, but I do look forward to one day having many conversations with him as we worship Jesus together. He has left a legacy in his wife, his hard-working daughter, and his grand-children. He was a source of strength and wisdom for all of them, and now they have the challenge of sharing the lessons of the years under his tutelage with the rest of the world to bring healing and care to others.

From stories I’ve heard, uncle Bob worked tirelessly and couldn’t sit still until his cancer forced him to stop. He actually sounds a lot like his brothers. But now, he is resting at the presence of Jesus and the pains of cancer no longer ravage his body. His heart’s greatest longing has been fulfilled, and he is enjoying eternal joy, hope, and peace.

On Saturday afternoon, Uncle Bob’s wife, daughter, and grand-daughter hopped back into their car and began the drive back to Michigan. My cousin mentioned the possibility of everyone coming back to West Virginia to be with the rest of the family during the holidays. I certainly hope they do.

May you take time today to remember your family and friends who have passed through the veil, and savor the moments you have with those who haven’t.

Uncle Bob and Fighting Cancer

On Saturday, I took a trip to Washington DC with an old friend. Among the many topics we talked about as we drove were healthcare, the environment, and the increasing incidence of cancer in our world.

Last night, I was reading a book by Wendell Berry that included an essay that was called "The Unsettling of America" and it told the story of colonization in the United States. It started with the displacement of the Native American peoples for the sake of progress, and then told of another displacement for the sake of industry. Early agrarian settlers, and even current farmers are facing a fight to maintain a simpler way of life. All of the displacement is said to be done in the name of progress, but now in our generation, there is a fee associated with all of our basic needs--food, clothing, shelter, water, and air. Of course we don't have to buy air, but we pay a price for it in the way of pollution.

So what does this have to do with my uncle and cancer? Well, I have a pretty strong conviction that the reason why cancer is becoming increasingly prevalent because of the way we live. We eat and drink things that are not the best for us. We breathe air that is contaminated with mutagens and pollutants, and while our water is supposed to uphold certain standards, I've heard many around the globe complain about the strange taste of their tap water in recent years. Many of the choices we are making in the name of "progress" may be giving us short term successes but may also be contributing to our long term destruction through slowly poisoning our bodies and maybe even our inmost being.

And yesterday, I received a call from my dad. He told me that my Uncle Bob is in the University of Michigan medical center with stomach cancer. He has two to three months left on this earth. It seems like some form of cancer has latched hold of nearly every member of my family. My brother, my dad, and myself seem to be the only remaining ones who haven't had to get some form of cancer reduced or removed, or worse yet, have lost their lives to this ugly malaise.

My uncle Bob is a man of serious faith, and he has raised his family with the same deep faith. Right now, I want to ask you to stop reading for a minute, and if you would be willing, pray for my uncle and his family. I know that the the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working, and this could be one of the greatest acts of support you could demonstrate toward my uncle and his family.

My uncle Bob and his family have faithfully read this blog for many years, and although they have lived pretty far away for most of my life, this little outpost on the web has helped them stay connected with family events through the years. I don't know my uncle well, but I am really bothered by the challenges being imposed by aggressive inoperable cancer in his stomach right now. I know that his is not the only fight being fought right now against cancer, but there's something immediately disconcerting and alarming when we discover a loved one suffers.

May the Spirit of the living God heal, comfort, and guide my Uncle Bob, his wife, and his daughter, as they look to Him for those things and more.

And for the rest of us, may we all fight the good fight and finish the race well.

Remembering Mom Three Years Later

My best friend in the whole world, Willie wrote and recorded this song on youtube to honor my mom shortly after she went to be with Jesus on June 6, 2007. It's hard to believe it's been three years since she laughed with us, or told stories about our family and our heritage, hugged us, or shared her wisdom.

This morning I went through some old blog posts and journals because sometimes time seems to take the vividness out of focus. As I began reading and watching Willie's video I wept. I wept because of the brokenness we experience in this world, and the sense of loss that we all feel on this side of the veil when a loved one leaves this world.

It's good to take time to remember. I remember two years ago, on the one year anniversary of my mom's leaving of this world to be with Jesus that I made the decision to cut my hair, and leave it short. I remember also taking a day to be away and remember, reflect, grieve, and rejoice. Rejoicing at someone's death could seem a bit morbid, hateful, or sadistic. I don't rejoice my mom's death in the sense that many think of it. I rejoice that she is free from cancer, from diabetes, from arthritis, and from pain. I rejoice that she is in the presence of Jesus, the One who loves her (and us) with a love deeper than we can even imagine on this earth.

I still grieve too. At relay for life this year, I found myself choking down tears when I saw her luminaries. They were just some candles in paper bags with my mom's name written on them, but they elicited so much emotion from me. When I saw her name and in memory, I think every memory I had of her flooded my mind all at once. I think it started with the relay for life in 2007 for which my sister and I organized a team. My mind went to the hopes we had back then that my mom would beat cancer, and that she would walk a lap as a survivor in 2008 like my uncles and my sister were able to do. Then I found myself confronted with the reality that I will never see her again in this life, and that made me sad. Not only because she is my mother, but because she is also one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known.

As I sit here reflecting, I can't help but be filled with hope as well. My mom, will be better than I could ever remember her when I see her again. She will be more beautiful, more loving, and more filled with joy. But that day is not now.

And so now, I strive to imitate the qualities I saw in her and loved while in this world. And it's ironic, because even those qualities were just shadows of the fullness that we find in God himself. My friend Trey once said something like this--when we see or experience something that gives us great joy, it's like we are seeing the handiwork of God, and that God is shining through that thing.

Aa the writer of the book of Hebrews reminds us, "Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith."

May we all cherish the opportunities that are given to us on this earth to allow God to shine through us, to bring others joy, and to love deeply.

Relay For Life 2009 Retrospective

Last weekend, a small group of friends from the church and family participated in our third straight relay for life event. As you can see from the photo above, Willie won the relay for our team!



Becky bought Jamie and I both T-shirts, and after I put on this cool shirt Becky informs me that I took Jamie's shirt. Mine had a map of WV and said "Hope Lives Here" on it. Becky told me that the shirt I picked was clearly a girls shirt. I told her that I thought it was for anybody. The women I know who have fought or are currently fighting are incredibly strong. So I figured, who wouldn't want to 'fight like a girl'?



The high point of the weekend for me was seeing dad complete a lap. While he hasn't had cancer himself, many of his siblings have. He also is not quite three weeks forward from having a massive heart attack, quadruple bypass, and his chest ripped open twice. Pretty impressive if you ask me.

I love this picture because you can see people walking ahead of him, behind him, and on all sides. That's just a small symbol of the kind of support he has been receiving through prayer, cards, visitors, and more. I took this photo because I wanted my dad to see this any time he was in doubt about whether or not people cared about him. I wanted him to see the steps he is taking too!

No matter what life throws at us, it's good to be reminded that we aren't going at it alone. We walk through it all together. We carry each other when times get tough. (And lately, it seems like there have been more physically and emotionally tough times for the people around me than one could imagine.)

Even when we feel like we are at the end of our ropes and we don't think we can take another step, there are people around us who can encourage and push us. And then, there is the great Friend Jesus, who walks with us through the heaviest trials. I know that walking with Him has strengthened me over these last few days.

Remember wherever you are and whatever you are going through, you are not alone!

Wood County Relay For Life 2009

Today marks the third year we've had a team involved in the Wood County Relay for Life. The purpose of the event, as think about it, is manifold.

It serves as an opportunity for the community to come together on a large scale to make a difference in a major healthcare problem. In Wood County alone, nearly $200,000 has already been raised to help fund research and progress toward a cure for cancer.

It brings survivors and fighters, friends and family members, together to encourage and inspire one another.

It offers a time of reflection to remember those who have died as they fought tenaciously against this disease.

Beyond this, it is one of the few times during our busy lives that it feels like we can come together to experience community in a special way.

If you are in the area, you should come join us at some point. Even if you can't make it out for the event, you can still join our team or donate by clicking that link.

For my family, we remember the loss of my Aunt Carolyn and my mom. We also remember that my sister, my Uncle Bill, Uncle Kenny, and Uncle Russell are all cancer survivors. It's a reminder that more and more people are winning the fight. For my friends, some celebrate personal victories, mourn personal losses, and remember family and friends who are still fighting heartily against this enemy.

Who knows? Maybe I'll see you walking this weekend.

Remembering

Off To Be With Jesus, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Today marks one year since my mom left this earth. It doesn't really seem like a year has gone by. It doesn't really seem real.

But it is real. One year ago, my brother called early in the morning to tell us that mom wasn't being really responsive. He had stayed the night in the room with her during her last night on this earth.

I imagine everyone in my family is experiencing today a little differently. A year ago, we were all together. This year we are spread from coast to coast in our own separate spaces.

So today, I am spending some time reflecting. I imagine everyone in our family will do it some. The last words she said to me were, "I love you," as I left her and my brother on the evening of the 5th. Those are words that will echo with me for years.

On the day before my graduation, I whispered in her ear, "I'll try to make you proud mom." At that point just a few weeks before she went to be with Jesus when she was having tremendous difficulty breathing, she responded, "Every day you make me proud."

My mom loved us. My mom is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known. And I not only knew her, but I got to hang out with her. Lots.

I miss her. My family misses her. If you knew her, you probably miss her too! She was that kind of a person. The kind of person people write songs about. The kind of person people cherish.

But she is with Jesus now. I can't even begin to imagine the applause of the saints as she went to be with her savior. I bet it was awesome. I bet it was awesome seeing her healthy and cancer free. I bet it was awesome hearing her creator say, "Well done, you good and faithful servant." I bet it was awesome as she was greeted on her departure from this world.

For us, it was awesome too. We grieve, but we rejoice for her. We share stories about her. We laugh, we cry, and at times we want to talk with her, but for now there is silence in response. She is no longer with us--she is in the presence of the Creator of the universe. She no longer sees through the mirror dimly.

In this culture we ilve in, grieving is difficult. I mean, it's never easy, but it seems like there is no space for such things. At times it feels like our lives carry a blistering pace. Like there is no space to slow down. Today, I plan to take some time to grieve, to remember, to reflect, and to rejoice for my mom, and for the goodness of the Creator in the middle of a sin soaked world.

Thanks for any prayers you offer up on behalf of me and my family. They are appreciated during this time, and at all times.

Survivor

Survivor, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

That's my sister.
She's a Shawnee Indian.
She's beautiful.
She rocks my world!
She is a cancer survivor.

This year, my sister chose to be captain of our relay for life team. She coordinated everything. She raised funds, and got our camp site together. She helped keep us all together and kept us up to date on what was going on during the weekend.

She found out she had melanoma less than a month after my mom went to be with Jesus, and everything looks good in her world right now. No cancer, but she is being careful.

My sister is such an awesome woman. My brother-in-law really got a catch. I am so grateful for her, and it is so cool to see how god she is at being organized and administratively smart--not my forté at all.

She did an amazing job coordinating our team this year, and she did all kinds of little above and beyond type things. When we got to the site there was a poster honoring Mom there. She had pins made with photos of each of us with Mom on them. I don't think of those touches--Becky does.

One of the reasons why I'm so glad we had a large group from Morgantown come is because she doesn't make it up this way often. I want as many people as possible to see how incredible she is, and my friends who were at relay got a chance to see just a glimpse of that.

She's a survivor, she's my sister, and she's an amazing lady. I'm so proud of her efforts to coordinate our team.

Relay Luminaries

Relay Luminaries, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Well, Relay-for-life has come and gone, and it has been a flurry of activity ever since. This year, one of my hopes for last year came true.

I had hoped that a large contingent from our community of H2O in Morgantown would join in the event in Parkersburg. Last year it just didn't work out for a number of people. But this year, in spite of high gas prices, we had a wonderful group of people come and rally around the event.

One of my favorite parts of the relay event is the lighting of the luminaries after dark. There's something powerful about seeing lights all around the city park pond either honoring or memorializing people who have fought against cancer. It's such an ugly disease, but it is truly beautiful to see people fight and overcome it.

Last year, my mom was in ICU and had just been taken off a ventilator when we lit luminaries in her honor. I had hoped that our participation in the relay would be a shot in the arm and a boost of morale for her--I think it was.

This year, as we walked we remembered her. We remembered her fight, as well as the fights of many others. For me, it was a very strange feeling being at the relay event this year. Mom is with Jesus now. Cancer is still a problem, but more and more people are winning the battle against it.

I miss my mom a lot. I miss her wisdom and counsel. I miss her laughter and her care. I miss watching tv with her while she would knit or make something with her hands. I miss her fearlessness, even in the face of cancer.

So Friday night we lit some candles to remember her. I was so hopeful last year for her return to health. I think all of us around her were.

It's strange how our society get's weird about the idea of grief. I grieve the loss of my mom, but I also rejoice. I'm saddened by her departure, but I'm overjoyed at her arrival before our King.

May we all walk through this life with that perfect mixture of sadness over the way things are, and hope for the way things one day WILL be. More than that, may our hope motivate us to be a sign of that change right here in the present.

Relay For Life 2008

Relay For Life 2008, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Well, it's that time of year again. Last year I stepped out in faith and started a relay for life team composed of friends and relatives, and this year, my sister has improved on that team. I have a tendency to be more likely to step out in faith and try a new venture, my sister has a tendency to take an endeavor and improve on it. So this year's team is even better than last year.

My mom went to be with Jesus on June 6, 2007 after a 10 month battle with cancer. We started last year's team to support her in her fight. This year, we are walking as a way of honoring her, and supporting my sister, and three uncles. My sister had melanoma, and three of my uncles had three different types of cancer. I also had an aunt who died from cancer when I was in junior high--we walk in remembrance of her as well.

I figured I would share this event with you a little bit before the relay begins Friday night. Just in case you wanted to join the team or make a donation. We are probably not the typical relay team. Some teams work year round to raise money for cancer research. Some teams do bake sales and even sell jewelry and other items--even at the relay event. Our team will be composed of people who have been raising funds, but primarily our team will be a group of people who are walking together in solidarity, and celebrating care and hope and faith.

I would love it if you could make the trip to parkersburg--or if you live in Parkersburg, if you would join us for a bit at the City Park. We will be camping there on Friday night. The event runs from 6PM Friday to noon Saturday. Last year was a lot of fun, and this year should be no different. (Although from weather reports, it may be much wetter!)

Thanks for taking a moment to pray for my family, and please consider coming to visit our aerobically charged faith venture in Parkersburg this weekend.

The Non-Conformist: In the Lion's Den

The Non-Conformist-In the Lion's Den, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

This week finished up our last series at h2o for the year. We took a three week survey of the book of daniel, and ended by looking at daniel in the lions den.

How in the world did Daniel end up in a lions den? If you read the book of Daniel, it seems like he constantly finds himself in the kings favor. Two weeks ago we talked about how he refused to eat the King's diet and compromise in that way, and how he and his friends were set apart from their peers by their excellence. Last week, we talked about how his friends ended up in a fiery furnace for refusing to bow before an idol of the King, and we also heard about how God delivered them.

But this week, this week Daniel ends up in a lion's den. It doesn't seem fair. Daniel is an old man by this time, and the king seems to really like him. But there were others who resented Daniel. They resented Daniel, not because he was a bad person, but because he wasn't. They resented him because they couldn't find fault with him. The only way they could find fault was in the way he followed God.

They tried to get him in trouble for following God. Seems kind of silly doesn't it? Wouldn't it be amazing if we led that kind of life though? What if people who could find no fault with Christians except that we followed our God zealously? Personally I think that would be amazing!

As we end this series called the non-conformist, I want to encourage you to be a non-conformist when it comes to this world and it's way of doing things. Let's strive to set ourselves apart--not by our weird Christian insider language, and the fact that we tote Bibles around, but because we are passionately pursuing God.

I'll point out one other thing. Daniel's obedience to God landed him in the den of lions. Sometimes we get this weird idea that we won't undergo persecution or hardship when we are following Christ. God didn't deliver Daniel from the lions den--but he did deliver Daniel in the lions den. Sometimes we have to go through some major difficulties in this world.

I think about my mom in this instance. God didn't save her from cancer, but instead he delivered her right in the middle of cancer. He walked right with her through every difficult step. And because of that truth--my mom was able to bless many with her story. She's with Jesus now--He came and met her in the middle of the cancer, and He brought her home.

When you see trials coming your way, it's the natural tendency of all of us to avoid them if at all possible--I'm sure Daniel didn't want to be in the lions den. At the same time, there are just some things we cannot do--we can not compromise our faith in our King to secure a better spot in this world.

Let's honor God with our lives, and trust him to walk with us in those challenging times. He has the power to deliver us, and in the end no matter what the outcome in this world, our truelife will be better for it when we resist the urge to compromise.

I'm Yours

When I woke up this morning, I was going to blog about something different. I had the title, and the subject picked out, but for some reason, I felt prompted to watch this youtube video that my best friend on the planet made last summer. You see, I'm going to be speaking on Daniel and the Lion's Den this Sunday during our last h2o of the year, and as I was thinking about Daniel, I started thinking about my buddy Willie, and the incredible song he wrote for my mom. I posted this song once before, right after I heard it the first time, but I hope you will indulge me in this repetition of something that I believe is a true testimony to a beautiful life of faith in King Jesus.

You may already know this, but my mom went to be with Jesus on June 6, 2007 at 1.10PM. She fought cancer and a number of other ailments tenaciously, and through all of the pain, she never stopped loving and blessing others around her. If you want to read more about her last few days in the hospital, I recommend reading my archives from may and june of last year in particular. I actually took some time and read them again this morning.

This song really portrays vividly the last few days we were able to spend with my mom on this side of the veil. It also describes in detail the simple life of faith in Jesus that we are called to live. This morning, I've found myself walking around the house driving around town, and generally doing my daily routine with this chorus echoing in my mind. "I'm Yours!"

I miss my mom, and it is good to re-visit the past, and remember all of the times--both difficult and joyful. This song carries me back into the hospital and the times we spent sitting with her, laughing with her, sharing stories, and loving and being loved.

As you read this blog, and listen to this song, I ask you to reflect on where you are with Jesus. My mom was radically changed by her faith in Jesus, and it made even metastatic breast cancer seem trivial in comparison to the greatness of His love toward her and the overwhelming abundance of love she had to give even as she spent her last moments with us.

May you know Him, and may His love flow through you so that you can join the chorus of the saints who have sung with Daniel, Stephen, Willie, and my mom, "I'm Yours, I'm Yours, forever and always I will be Yours!"

A Small Step for Change

In honor of my mom who passed away last year, I am joining with my sister and others to participate in the Wood County Relay for Life. I would love it if you could join with us to raise money and support cancer research. You can click here to join our team or make a donation.

If you participate, you will joining people around the world in celebrating those who have survived cancer, remembering the people we've lost, and supporting the lifesaving mission of the American Cancer Society. Besides that, you will be hanging out in Parkersburg, WV with some cool peeps, and you get to see where I used to "kick it" back in the day!

As we walk our laps, we will each be taking a small step for change. Last year we had a lot of laughs, and shared a lot of hope, prayer, and great spiritual conversations. The more folks who join the team, the more fun it will be too.

As we walk our laps, we will each be taking a small step for change. Last year we had a lot of laughs, and shared a lot of hope and prayer. The more folks who join the team, the more fun it will be too.

Will you make a small step for change with me in Parkersburg May 16th, 2008?

Becky on the Road

Becky on the Road, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Well, I was on the phone with my brother earlier today, and we realized something. It has been four weeks since my mom left this earth--and it is also four weeks until he and my nephew arrive back east for a brief visit.

Four weeks have gone by. I can hardly believe it. Sometimes it seems like something from the distant past, like a dream almost. Other times it is like it is something that is happening right now as we walk through the memories of our wonderful mom, and continue to deal with the adjustments that come from the loss of a loved one.

And just yesterday, I received a phone call from my sister. You see, we're all talking a lot more now, but this call was different. She had recently had a mole removed and she found out the results of that removal yesterday. It was a melanoma.

Thankfully it was caught early. It was really small (like 1mm). She found out today, that there's a 96% chance that it was entirely removed, but there is going to be some follow up work to insure that is the case.

Four weeks, and now my sister and our family have a new challenge. We all feel very confident that my sister will be fine, but just the same, we would appreciate the prayers. Her cancer is at stage 1A so she was able to catch it early.

At this point, there is very little left to do but wait for a final confirmation test, and then my sister will begin a process of 3-4 check ups per year and closely monitoring the site. She's doing fine and really keeping her spirits up in the middle of it all, but she (and the rest of us) are still just a little anxious.

If you would, please take a second right now and lift her up in prayer, specifically that God would comfort her and give her peace in the middle of an anxious situation.

Four weeks, and my dad is hearing this news about his daughter. Four weeks, and it seems like the world expects thing to go back to the daily grind. Four weeks, and soon my brother and nephew will be joining us again. Four weeks, and now it's time to celebrate independence. Personally, I would rather revel in the fact that we have a great community of loving friends and family who help us bear one another's burdens.

As we look to the future (just like Becky is looking out ahead in this picture), we can be comforted in the fact that we know God is good, and He is truly our sustainance and help in every situation.

Myrrh

Myrrh, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Yesterday was mom's funeral. You know it was so amazing to see so many of my friends come out and show support for me and my family, and to pay a tribute to mom.

My best friend in the whole world, Willie, was one of the pall bearers. Before the funeral service, he came up and gave me a bag with some small stones in it. I asked him what was in the bag, and he said it was myrrh, and that he had been wanting me to have it for a long time to be able to burn at times when I pray.

When he gave it to me I had a couple of thoughts. I took out one piece of myrrh from the bag for my dad, my brother, my sister, and myself. I explained to my family a little bit about the use of myrrh in Jesus' day.

You see, when Jesus was born, wise men from the east brought him gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The gold reflected Jesus's royalty--He is King of the Jews. The frankincense reflected his divinity--He is God in the flesh. The myrrh symbolized his humanity--Myrrh was used in burial preparations for those who passed away. The myrrh given to Jesus pointed to His eventual crucifixion where He conquered sin and death.

My mom is going to be cremated. I suggested to my family that we each place a piece of myrrh on her body, and it would be one last way we could annoint and honor my mom. As she is cremated the myrrh will burn and we will have honored our mom in a very special way. We each placed the myrrh on her body solemnly and reverently before her funeral service saturday afternoon.

As I thought about these special preparations, I realized that my mom was also blessed as my sister, her best friend, and my sister-in-law had a special evening with my mom the last night she was in this world. They took fragrant lotion and moisturized mom's skin with it as they shared a "girls night" with her. I don't think any of us realized what they were actually doing that night. They were preparing mom's body in a similar way to the woman who poured out the spike nard on Jesus. What they did was a good thing, and it deserves to be told again.

We're all going to miss my mom, but I'm glad that each one of us could honor her in some very ancient and special ways. She is a beautiful lady, and we have been blessed to be able to serve and honor her in beautiful ways even after she has departed from us.

May we all remember those who have gone before us, and live faithfully honoring the One who went before each of us to conquer the sting of death and give us victory and life eternal.

Off To Be With Jesus

Off To Be With Jesus, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

Yesterday at 1:10PM, my mom left her body on this earth, and went to be with Jesus. My brother had spent the night in her room with her, and called the rest of us to come down because she wasn’t being real responsive.

We came down and sat with her from about 9AM on. We prayed with her and talked with her, and told her how much we will love and miss her. We shared memories with her as she lay there before us. One by one, aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends gathered by my mom’s side and spoke words of love to her. She was sent off with prayers and words of love from so many people. (As I tried to recount this to you, I started weeping because it was such a beautiful experience, and I can’t fully convey to you in this brief blog exactly what was happening in my mom’s presence.)

Her room was packed. People were trailing out the hallway. She was loved by so many people. We’re all going to miss her, but we were all mixing tears of sadness with tears of joy in that room as we spoke to my mom. My mom is with Jesus right now. She doesn’t have cancer, or arthritis, or any number of other ailments that were afflicting her. She has joy unlike any we’ve ever experienced.

Watching my mom pass out of this world and into the presence of God, I am so thankful that we are a people of hope. The gospel allows us to persevere in hope for a day when there are no more tears, no more hunger, and all of the injustice in the world we see will be made right.

My mom is gone, but she has left a wonderful legacy and challenge to us as a family as we attempt to imitate her faith, hope, and love—and to tell others of the joy she, and we, have found in joyful surrender to King Jesus.

I’ve had a great deal of technical difficulty communicating with people over the last day, but I figured I might be able to use this blog as a starting point. Even as early as yesterday afternoon, I started receiving emails, txts, AIM’s, and voicemails of encouragement from many wonderful people. It has been unfortunate that I haven’t been able to respond to everyone’s encouraging words, but I am so thankful for your kindness, your prayers, and your support in this difficult time. It’s beautiful to see how the Church rallies at times like this to love and care for those in need and to bear one another’s burdens.

I know some are wondering about arrangements, and I would like to communicate that through this blog. The details of her obituary can be found by following this link and clicking on Patricia Ann Williams (that's Mom!). You can even sign an “online guestbook” through the funeral home.

I’m tremendously grateful again for the grace God has shown my family throughout my mom’s battle with cancer. As she told a fellow believer when they were both diagnosed—“No matter what happens, we win!!!” Indeed we are more than conquerors!

Thanks for continuing in support and prayers for me and my family. Please forgive me for an apparent lack of response, but I truly do appreciate your comments, emails, AIMs, txts, and voicemails. They are a blessing to both me and my entire family.

Roller Coaster

Roller Coaster, originally uploaded by Markku_.

I found this photo on flickr, and I believe it represents a strong similarity how we’ve been feeling back here over the last couple of days.

Well, it’s been a couple of days since I could blog about what’s happening here. I’m so grateful for the ability to keep in touch with so many people through this blog. It’s been difficult to stay connected as well as I would like with folks, but this blog certainly helps. In fact, a few folks have left some wonderful comments that have been an encouragement to me and the family.

Overall, my mom is doing amazingly well. We were prepared for her to go be with Jesus the moment we removed the chest tube. Saturday she shared one of the longest and most spiritual monologues I’ve ever heard my mom utter. She shared a vision she had experienced of heaven. We were all deeply moved to say the least. We reassured her that if she felt like going off to be with Jesus we were all going to be ok. She said that she knew it, but didn’t want us to send her off just yet. She said she wanted to stick around a while longer if that was alright. We emphatically assured her it was fine with us!

Sunday, we continued sharing stories, and laughing. I even had a couple of friends come down from Morgantown and offer prayers and counsel for the family. Saturday night, we started a rotating shift of folks staying in the room with mom. We just wanted to have constant care for her. I’ve stayed here two of the last three nights.

Nobody expected mom to respond so well. In fact, the hospital moved her into a “Transitional Care Unit” yesterday. It’s the equivalent of an in-house nursing home at the hospital site for people who are “to healthy to be in the hospital, but not quite strong enough to be at home yet.”

She started a fairly intense PT regimen today. She will be getting assistance twice a day. My brother and I started a log to keep track of medical reports/needs so as we “change shifts” we can make sure that none of her needs are overlooked by the staff here.

So what’s up with the roller coaster? I would say that over the last few days, our entire family has run through a wide spectrum of intense emotions. We still aren’t sure of mom’s status,but we get the feeling that the physicians aren’t quite sure what to make of her either. I think rotating in shifts has been helpful, but we are all pretty tired—which makes me incredibly glad to see how well mom’s doing.

In spite of our physical, emotional, and mental fatigue, we are staying close together and loving and supporting one another through every step of my mom’s journey—we have been together in this since day one. While we’ve all experienced the thrills and the twists and turns of the roller coaster, spiritually we have been sustained amazingly through all of this. Regardless of the outcome too, we are each realizing more and more, the treasure that we have in our mom, and the importance of each moment.

It’s kind of like Jesus said, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” We’ve all been resting and trusting in the Messiah in increasing degrees of the last few days. He truly is our strength and shield. I hope that as you read this you will also take a moment to let Jesus words soak into your mind. In the middle of life’s roller coasters, He is THE Source of stability and strength. May you know His peace in the same richness we have experienced here in our own situation.

Support and Family

Support and Family, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

This year, I knew I would be staying in Morgantown for the summer working on getting our café ready for the fall, and developing our leaders in the community of h2o. As a result, I decided to try my hand at planting a garden.

Among the different seeds I planted were corn, beans, and squash. Among, American Indian people (at least from my own Shawnee culture but I've heard the practice is widespread), these three crops are planted together. Typically, when non-indian people think of "Indian food", they think of corn, beans, and squash.

According to tradition, there's a reason these are planted together. They are called the "three sisters" and they help each other grow. You see, the corn takes nitrogen from the soil as it grows. Beans provide nitrogen for the soil, and so they add to the nutrient base of the corn. The squash has broad leaves that spread over the ground and eliminate competition from other weeds that would try to hurt the other two sisters.

There's a lot we can learn from these three sisters. As my family has been walking through my mom's illness together, we have often relied on one another's gifts and strengths to support each other and support Mom. Yesterday, we took her off the ventilator, and it was a really scary and traumatic experience for all of us. The nurse explained to us that she may go on to be with Jesus in a matter of seconds or days.

We stayed there with her and told her how much we loved her, and that whatever she wanted to do would be fine with us. If she wanted to go be with Jesus, we were all ok with it, but we would miss her. We wept and prayed with her, and she is currently in a different room in the hospital--after nearly three weeks she is out of ICU.

Now she can have multiple visitors, and people can stay longer hours with her. We are so thankful for the grace God has given us in allowing my mom to stay with us and share time with us.

In the middle of it all, I am personally very thankful for the love and support we as a family have shown each other through it all. We have prayed, wept, and loved each other strongly through the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ who indwells each one of us. We have walked through many difficult decisions together, and in the middle of it all we know that it is God who sustains and supports us and causes our growth, but it sure is beautiful to be reminded that He has given us each other to contribute in unique ways as we grow and to support one another, just like the Three Sisters.