Friday, June 06, 2008


Off To Be With Jesus, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.
Today marks one year since my mom left this earth. It doesn't really seem like a year has gone by. It doesn't really seem real.

But it is real. One year ago, my brother called early in the morning to tell us that mom wasn't being really responsive. He had stayed the night in the room with her during her last night on this earth.

I imagine everyone in my family is experiencing today a little differently. A year ago, we were all together. This year we are spread from coast to coast in our own separate spaces.

So today, I am spending some time reflecting. I imagine everyone in our family will do it some. The last words she said to me were, "I love you," as I left her and my brother on the evening of the 5th. Those are words that will echo with me for years.

On the day before my graduation, I whispered in her ear, "I'll try to make you proud mom." At that point just a few weeks before she went to be with Jesus when she was having tremendous difficulty breathing, she responded, "Every day you make me proud."

My mom loved us. My mom is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever known. And I not only knew her, but I got to hang out with her. Lots.

I miss her. My family misses her. If you knew her, you probably miss her too! She was that kind of a person. The kind of person people write songs about. The kind of person people cherish.

But she is with Jesus now. I can't even begin to imagine the applause of the saints as she went to be with her savior. I bet it was awesome. I bet it was awesome seeing her healthy and cancer free. I bet it was awesome hearing her creator say, "Well done, you good and faithful servant." I bet it was awesome as she was greeted on her departure from this world.

For us, it was awesome too. We grieve, but we rejoice for her. We share stories about her. We laugh, we cry, and at times we want to talk with her, but for now there is silence in response. She is no longer with us--she is in the presence of the Creator of the universe. She no longer sees through the mirror dimly.

In this culture we ilve in, grieving is difficult. I mean, it's never easy, but it seems like there is no space for such things. At times it feels like our lives carry a blistering pace. Like there is no space to slow down. Today, I plan to take some time to grieve, to remember, to reflect, and to rejoice for my mom, and for the goodness of the Creator in the middle of a sin soaked world.

Thanks for any prayers you offer up on behalf of me and my family. They are appreciated during this time, and at all times.


Kringkong said...

thinking of you today . . .

Eric Asp said...

God bless, Billy.

batdog said...

My heart is broken for you Billy. I weep with you today.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post. Becca has shared some of your story with me. Your post brought tears to my eyes. It is hard to grieve in our world and sometimes hard to rejoice. I pray you find the time for both.