Review: The Trusted Advisor by David H. Maister

A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers at Nuru, Marc, gave me his copy of a book he thought I might find enjoyable. It was called The Trusted Advisor by David Maister. It probably would not have been a book I would have picked up on my own, but I'm always appreciative of a good book recommendation. I had also communicated with Marc my desire to grow in my ability to lead, coach, and develop the talents of others, so I started looking at this book as a potential tool toward that end.

The book, which receives some pretty incredible reviews on Amazon, is a fairly quick read, and filled with personal examples from the author(s) own experiences. The themes of this book are incredibly important and timely in a world that is growing increasingly skeptical of "experts" and those who are in the know. It is a reminder of the Theodore Roosevelt quote, "Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care."

Maister and his fellow authors, Charles Green and Robert Galford walk through the importance of trust and of developing relationships with others as well as the outflow of those relationships over time. It actually brought to mind this short verse from Saul of Tarsus in his letter to the Corinthian church, "Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful." Trust is not something that comes in an instant, it comes over time, it comes from faithful practice, and it comes as a result of very real relationships. The authors point out it comes more from learning how to listen well than it does from all that one might have on their mind to say.

Looking to learn more about how to be a better friend, advisor, counselor, coach, or advisor? Take a look at The Trusted Advisor, and learn from its many chapters, examples, and actionable lists. May we each work to cultivate and practice greater trust in our relationships with others.

Garden Planting 2015

Sunday afternoon we were finally able to get the garden prepped and planted. We have had a lot of rain this spring, and days of sunshine have not worked out well in our schedule so far this year for getting our little truck patch set up and ready to go. Better late than never, and the way we see it, this just means that we will be able to share in a late harvest with family and friends! Plus, the rain has been great for other friends and farmers. Without regular rain, the crops just won't grow.

There is so much meaning in this little square patch of ground. Every year while I was growing up, Dad and Mom would work one or two plots of ground planting a wide variety of vegetables. Through the summer and fall, we would have plenty of food to eat, and my folks would send me around to neighbors with buckets of fresh vegetables to share. Mom would be hard at work in the kitchen canning beans, making sauerkraut, and pickles (among other yummy foods).

Back around the time Mom was in the last rounds of her fight with cancer (which she eventually lost and is now in the presence of her King), I plowed up a little spot in the yard here in Morgantown. I was coming to a realization around that time that my generation was quickly losing its relationship with the land, and we were not maintaining some of the traditional skills that we had witnessed our parents and grandparents participate in regularly. Things like growing food, repairing homes, sewing, cooking, and maintaining home and land seemed to me to be becoming less and less practiced.

So, since 2007 I have planted a garden each year with one exception. Jamie and I gave the land a sabbath after seven years as a reminder that God is our ultimate provider, and just like you and I need rest, the land needs rest as well. Each year, I plant some tomatoes and some peppers and potentially some other yummies, but I always make sure I plant the Three Sisters. Planting the Three Sisters helps me to keep connected to foods my family has always grown, but in a larger scope it is a reminder and a connection to our cultural heritage as Shawnee people.

My ancestors would take time as they planted (planting marked the new year), and they would seek to forgive others and make amends where needed. In fact, it was forbidden to carry a grudge or some form of unforgiveness into the new year. Each year, at the time of planting, everyone would start on a clean slate. I think our world would be a little brighter if more folks today practiced a similar tradition. As I worked the ground and dropped corn, beans, and squash into rows, I also took a little moment to give thanks for the provision of the Creator of the universe who sustains all things. I asked God to bless the crops in the hopes that they would provide me, Jamie, and many of our friends and family meals, sustenance, and that the harvest would be plentiful, and allow us to extend these gifts to others as well.

While our garden is not quite big enough to provide for all of our needs, I believe that it keeps us sharpening skills that farmers the world over employ to make sure their families are fed. It becomes for us not only provision, but also an opportunity to stand in solidarity with our neighbors around the planet who are farmers. And here in the US, it keeps us rooted and connected to the land. Honestly, as we spend time in our little garden, the act itself refreshes our spirits. Personally I feel more alive as I am working this little plot, and the food that comes from this garden tastes WAY BETTER than what folks buy in stores--it's always been that way too.  There's something about having a little dirt under our fingernails as we work the land that is healing and magical.

Not only that, but every day we spend working this little patch, it's a small but poignant reminder that food comes from the good earth and from the provision of the creation. Real food doesn't come from a lab. It doesn't come from a box. It doesn't come in plastic and cardboard packages. It comes from the earth. As we tend and care for the earth, it takes care of us as well. Sometimes I think we forget that truth, and we become users instead of caretakers. We become users of both earth and people, and that leaves our relationships with both fragmented and broken.

Even if you can't plant a little spot on your land, maybe look around for a community supported agriculture (CSA) initiative or a farmers market. Doing so might be a small step of solidarity with farmers, and a good reminder of where our food comes from. It also helps the local economy as well! Here in Morgantown we are part of Mountain Harvest Farms CSA, and we supplement our food needs from time to time with a quick stop to the Morgantown Farmers Market or by making meat and egg purchases from Working H Farms.

May we all be blessed in this Shawnee new year with a greater spirit of forgiveness as well as a stronger relationship with the land that provides so much to us.

One More Permission

Jamie and I had been in a relationship for a long time, and once again I found myself looking for an opportunity to sit down with Jamie’s dad to ask permission of him.  This time it was to ask for his permission to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  It was a one of a kind conversation, and had it’s fair share of humor in the brief exchange.

It was mother’s day 2010, and Jamie and I drove to Lake Floyd to spend a little time with her parents.  I was praying for the right time to ask her dad, and for an opportunity, but I knew that much of my summer I would be out of town and traveling.  I had a 5-10 minute window on Sunday morning before church while Jamie was taking a a shower, so I took my opportunity.

“Hey Les, could I talk to you for a minute”

“Sure”

We sat down in the living room, and I started.

“I’ve never done this before, and I hope I never have to do this again”--masterfully eloquent I know.

We both laughed a little bit, and I continued, “but I’d like to ask your permission to ask Jamie to marry me.”

“Sure. Kim and I felt like we might have this conversation soon.  When were you thinking about asking her?”

“I was thinking sometime over the next month or two.  I’m going to be meeting with a friend tonight who is a gem cutter about possible rings and gemstones.”

“When were you thinking about a wedding date?” 

“I was thinking sometime next May or June, after she finishes her Master’s degree.”

“Well what if she says no?”

“I never thought about that, that’s a good question!”

“You know nobody bats 1.000 right?”

We both laughed, and I told him my plans for asking her.  He asked me to let me know if there was anything he and his wife could do to assist.

And then Jamie came out of the shower and we all drove to South Ridge Church.  Les told his wife about our conversation, but Jamie would have to remain in the dark for a few more weeks . . .

Bubble Tea Will Never Be The Same

It was October 19^th, 2008, and the place was a little spot in Morgantown called Bubble Sikaku.  It was an Asian Tea place that sold bubble tea.  Bubble Tea is a delicious drink that has small tapioca balls in the bottom of it. It comes in a variety of flavors and styles, and I believe one could spend years drinking it without exhausting the combinations.  I had chosen Bubble Tea for the place where we would meet.

I had hoped to meet up the day before, go for a bike ride to Apple Annie’s, and then take a drive to Cooper’s Rock, but we couldn’t do that because of schedule conflicts—she was attending a wedding with another guy.  So I waited for the meeting, and planned it for the next day.

When I was scheduling our meeting, she asked if other people could join us, and I told her that I would rather just talk to her.  She asked if she was in trouble or getting fired, and I let her know that she wasn’t in trouble but that I just wanted to talk.

As she came into the space and we sat down, I started by thanking her for her friendship.  We had been friends for three years, and she had become one of my most trusted friends.  She and her mom came to my mother’s funeral, and I had encouraged several guys to pursue a relationship with her because she was such a catch.  And recently, I had wondered if maybe I should stop encouraging other guys to date her.

I told her that we had been spending a lot of time together, and that I really enjoyed every moment of it.  I didn’t believe we had crossed the line of “too much” time, but I felt like we were getting close to that line, and that if I really wanted to honor God, and honor her, I needed to talk in more detail about our relationship.  I wanted to get to know her better, and I was beginning to believe that I either needed to begin to pursue a relationship with her, or back off in our quality time together significantly.

So I shared my feelings with her, and how special and treasured she was to me, and how I had no idea what the future had in store, but that I would love to find out.  Maybe we would only end up being really great friends, but maybe there was something more.

She didn’t talk much.  She didn’t pour her Bubble Tea out on my head either, so it didn’t go entirely badly.  She told me that she was honored and flattered, and although the thought had never crossed her mind about it before, she wanted to take time and pray about it. 

And so she prayed, and I waited.  And after a few weeks of prayer, she let me know that YES, she would be interested in seeing what a relationship together might look like.

LOST: A Reflection

After watching the series finale of LOST with my good friend Cameron King and many others, I found myself in a very reflective and pensive mood. My tweet following the end of the series was “Absolutely Beautiful!” and Cameron added the word epic. Epic and beautiful.

So why these two words?

Well I will start with the word epic. When watching LOST the first few times, the element that drew me in was the depth and intricacy of the story itself. LOST is the story of a group of survivors on a plane crash. As one watches the series, one discovers that the survivors of this plane crash have had their lives cross at previous occasions, but during their time on the island they do not realize how close their lives have come together previously. So this group of individuals seemed to be fated to come together, but as they come together, they enter into a story much larger than any of them can imagine. They each receive a fresh start, and it is the myriad array of strengths from their experiences that allows them to form a sense of team and of family as they struggle to survive on this island.
The setting of the island has its own array of strange twists that take it from the typical castaway desert-island trope to emerge as a strange location where polar bears and smoke monsters live, and where an array of strange properties are witnessed (i.e. healing of cancer and paralysis). And yet there is more. This same island proves to be a crucible for testing character as well as a fresh starting point for this unlikely mix of passengers on a plane. The story mixes the natural and the supernatural in such a way that the story grows in intrigue and mystery. There are knowns and unknowns, and just when one thinks they have figured out the island or the plot, a new twist emerges.

I could wax on about the epic simplicity and complexity of the show, the island and the characters, but I’d like to suggest that the there is much more to be said about the beauty of the show and the finale. The show leaves many questions unanswered, and in a way reflects the lives we live. There are subjects we know innately, experiences we can’t explain, and as much as we explore, there are new mysteries to be discovered. And yet, at the same time the numinous should not be a stumbling block. In LOST, of course there were unanswered questions—in some ways it is hard to fully ‘get it’ when watching the series. And yet, the way the story is told, and the endearing qualities of virtually every character draws the viewer in.

Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of the show to me was how it wove great truths together in a beautiful way. We enjoyed watching the characters live out lives of sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation, and redemption. In a whirlwind way as the series drew to a close, it appeared that each character discovered his/her unique purpose, and began to live it out in a way that benefitted the whole group.

I believe that there is something beautiful about seeing someone discover their unique purpose in this world, and even more than that, I believe that the most valuable part of our lives when we examine them is not necessarily our exploits and travels, but rather our relationships. Part of the beauty of LOST is that it enthralls the viewers with the characters of the story, but also that it allows us the experience of watching the development and cherishing of relationships. At different points in the story, we watch as characters work to serve themselves, but as the series draws to a close each of them works together to accomplish something truly beautiful. As Jack Shepherd remarks early in the series, “We can live together, or die alone.”

If you are a LOSTIE, I hope you enjoyed these thoughts. I’m tempted to write more, but this post is already a bit long. If you haven’t watched LOST, I believe it is one of the best written television shows in the short history of the medium.

And whether you watch LOST or not, I hope you will work hard in your life to live with a purpose that serves your fellow human beings and that puts a value on relationship, forgiveness, grace, redemption and reconciliation, those, I believe are among the views we will cherish and savor the most as the beautiful and epic stories of our own lives unfold.

Why 40 years?

Earlier this morning, I was trying to find some information about the length of time it would take to make the journey from the Red Sea to the promised land for Israel (apparently it would be about a month if you made a direct route), and I found this video about a hiking trail running from the red sea, through israel, and ending at the border of Lebanon.

Of course, we all know it took about 40 years for Israel to make the journey, and during that time God led them by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Why would God be so inefficient with time. I mean Israel gathered everything and left Egypt in the night. They moved so quickly, they couldn't even wait for their bread to rise. So why would God have people take such a long time in the wilderness.

The big answer is God is about a relationship. He's about a relationship with each one of us, and with all of us together. He's about us learning to live together, and he's about us learning to trust Him. Imagine the level of trust you might have if God had delivered you without going hungry, growing thirsty, or letting your clothes and shoes wear out in 40 years. Maybe you would know His love in a greater magnitude than you would if you had walked through the wilderness in a month.

God takes time with us just like he took time in Israel. Relationships take time. People take time. Tonight, I'm supposed to talk about the idea that God wants more than just Sunday at our 17three college and post-college summer event tonight. I think maybe part of the reason why we see such a breakdown in our families and a lack of commitment in our relationships in the west is because we have grown so independent of one another, and soooo busy, that it is hard to take the time to walk with and care for another human being. Sure, we all like the idea of loving others, but when it comes to actually doing it, it's another story altogether.

I wonder how many teachers get their degree only to find out that every student doesn't just want to learn everything they have to share. I wonder how many nurses study their field because they love the idea of helping people, but then find that helping people isn't all that easy.

THis week, take some time from the business of your schedule, and prioritize other people. Actually physically be with them if you can. Sit down with someone and have a meal. Talk to each other. Go and care for the sick, the downtrodden, and the broken hearted.

Go and learn through a relationship what it is like to love and to trust. And of course, spend some quality time with God. God took forty years to cultivate a loving and trusting relationship with Israel. Give God your time, and grow in your trust of Him. As you do, you will find your capacity to love and grow in the trust of others will increase as well.

And, as John Piper points out in the video below, people are simply fascinating. They are made in the image of God, and they are filled with little interesting nuances that reflect that image to others. Take time to make some time for others.

connecting

connecting, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

I think this is one of my favorite pictures, although it is a little blurry. I forgot my ultrapod III that my brother bought me. People are talking, people are eating, people are surfing the web, and most importantly, people are connecting.

This week at h2o, we talked about our desire for relationships. Here people are embodying the message. Beautiful stuff!!!