Reflection: Remembering Franklin Delanor Lambert, Junior

As I sit down to write this post, I'm a little in shock. My mind is swirling with memories--laughter tears, and long, meaningful conversations that won't happen again on this side of eternity. Last night, I learned that one of my oldest friends, and one I had not seen in person for a very long time, died of a heart attack. He had just recently turned 43 years old.

Frank was a proud West Virginian and a proud Mountaineer. He had grown up in some of the hill country of West Virginia (Elkins), and had moved to some of the river country (Parkersburg) our senior year of high school. And while we both knew each other then, we really became good friends our freshman year of college at WVU on the basketball courts and in the residence halls.

Frank had a deep appreciation for music, and probably had the biggest music collection of anyone I have ever known. And he knew the music too--every album--he could tell you about the artist and explain the nuances of the songs. He was a huge fan of all kinds of music from Pearl Jam to Cyprus Hill and just about everything in between. Back in college we would spend hours listening to and talking about the latest albums, and he would be among the first to acquire them at the Discount Den in Morgantown.

Frank and his sister Angie introduced me to the Forest Festival in Elkins, and because of them, I have been able to introduce it to members of my own family as well. Frank was incredibly generous with his time and was always willing to help out a friend in need. When I was installed as a chief in my tribal community nearly 17 years ago, Frank was among a select few friends from outside my tribe who I was privileged to invite to our land and have him witness that historic moment. Frank was a history major in his undergrad too, and so there was something special about having this friend share in a piece of history.

I believe it was through Frank that I discovered just how close Pittsburgh was to Morgantown as he would invite a group of friends to travel with him to explore the city. I can remember many drives to Pittsburgh while we were in school. Frank also believed in being well-dressed. In fact, he and a couple of other friends took me on a "fashion emergency" trip (before it was a thing) because my wardrobe and style could "use some work." We definitely had a lot of awesome road trips together.

And wow, we could spend HOURS on the basketball court. We would play hoops outside til dark, or head to Stansbury Hall (the courts where Jerry West played) and shoot hoops until we got kicked out of the building. In fact, many times we would shoot hoops and then listen to tunes and talk about the games we played--we would even try to come up with creative plays. And actually, there was a time where me, Frank, and my roommate at the time (Andy) got invited to play in a prison by a dude we were playing who happened to be a prison guard at a supermax prison in Pennsylvania. That game was pretty unforgettable--everyone in the prison came out to watch the game with us "outsiders" and we got SMOKED--I think we lost by 30+ points. I have lots of great memories with Frank on the basketball court, and he was a strong athlete.

Frank was always willing to speak truth to me (and to anyone) whether it might hurt or not. He never did it out of malice, but always to help people be better human beings and better friends. I remember one occasion when I had told him that I was going to come to a cookout he was hosting, and as I was walking there I ran into two other groups of friends at two different times, and ended up not making it to the cookout. He called me out for not honoring my word. At the time it really stung because I really valued keeping my word (and I still do). He told me he knew that I had the intention of being there but that if I commit and I don't follow through it hurts people, and that it wasn't the first time I had done it and that he wasn't the only person I had done it to. He told me that other people understood my intentions were good, but that I was hurting my friends and friendships when I didn't follow through and honor my word. Frank made me, and everyone he met a better person.

We went through our share of hardships together. One of the foremost burned into my mind happened during 2006 and 2007. Frank's dad and my mom were both diagnosed with cancer. We would see each other at the hospital often as our parents were going through the last stages of their fights with cancer. And as Frank was watching his dad fight hard in a losing battle against cancer, he was also getting ready to marry the love of his life, Dena. I remember going to their wedding in Ohio, and all of the sadness and joy being swirled together. Frank lost his dad, and I lost my mom within days of each other. Loss is always hard, but enduring it as you are starting a new life with someone and adding to your family is a difficult path to walk. Frank always walked the path bravely though, in every area of life.

Frank was 43 years old. And now his wife, sister, and mom (and many others) are grieving his unexpected death. For my part, I had hoped that we might be able to connect the last time I was in Parkersburg--I was hoping he would be able to meet my daughter and wife. And learning news of his death makes me want to be even more committed to do everything I can to live as long as I can on this earth with Jamie and Sylvia. I know our time of departure from this life is not entirely up to us, but I want to do everything within my power to ensure that my choices are not limiting the quality and quantity of the time I have left.

May we each savor the moments and memories we have, and as we are able, make new ones to cherish and treasure in this life, and Frank, may you rest in peace my brother.

Remembering and Looking Forward: Celebrating Our Fifth Anniversary!

I remember it as freshly as if it were yesterday. Eight of my closest friends joined me to stand on a boat dock in West Virginia on Lake Floyd, and we prayed together as the time moved purposefully to the grand moment. A text message came through indicating it was time for us to begin the journey. It had been raining earlier in the day, and all around the region, massive storms had broken out, but for us, there were blue skies and the lush greens of spring. The water was calm, peaceful, and inviting. The nine of us purposefully descended into three small rowboats, and began our journey across the lake.

Upon docking at the far side, we came walking in single file to a gathering of a few close friends and family (to be honest it was all family—our friends are our family as well). The music had begun, and I was looking over the crowd smiling and filled with anticipation of what was to come. And then, she came from around the corner of the Lake Floyd Clubhouse with her father walking alongside her. My eyes began to well up with tears of joy. They came down to the waters edge across a grassy field through a center aisle made by folding chairs brought out for the occasion. I breathed in deeply as I thought about the sacredness of this moment. I was about to commit my life to this amazing woman, and she was about to do the same.

She looked so beautiful as she gracefully made her way down the aisle in a refitted and redesigned wedding dress, made from her mother’s own wedding attire. Her eyes glowed in the same bright azure blue that I’ve enjoyed waking and looking into as we start our day together for the last five years. I can remember so vividly every moment because my heart was (and is!) so captivated by this incredible, compassionate, faith-filled, beautiful woman. We exchanged our vows, we participated in an ancient Shawnee wedding tradition, and we even had the blessing of my best friend in the whole world, Willie, writing an original song for us. The entire time we were surrounded in beauty and held in love by our gathered witnesses.

As the wedding came to an end, the celebration started, and honestly hasn’t really stopped! We were presented to our gathered family as husband and wife, and made our way down the aisle exceedingly joy-filled to the tune of Country Roads, a fine new West Virginia/Appalachian tradition. We made our way to the dance floor of the clubhouse and enjoyed the best wedding food I have ever experienced thanks to the generosity of Jessica Kerr—She even made pepperoni rolls from filo dough. (Jamie had told her dad when she was a little girl that she didn’t know all that she hoped for with her wedding day, but she definitely wanted pepperoni rolls—a West Virginia staple).

And here we are, five years into the future. As full of joy and vivid memories as that day was, today seems more full. We have both grown in our understanding of what it means to be husband and wife, and we have also both grown in our understanding of how deeply loved and cherished we are by God and by each other. On our wedding day, when Willie sang that song he wrote, we carried it aspirationally, and today we still carry it in the same way, but at the very least we can say that for the last five years it has held completely true. Our love has only grown stronger over time, and our understanding of just what a treasure God has given us in each other gets revealed freshly each new day.

 

As we left crossed Lake Floyd late that night on a paddle boat to the cheers of many who we hold very dear, we had no idea that the late night paddle across the lake and ensuing drive to our home in Morgantown would be not only the very beginning of our marriage, but it would be a foretaste of our adventures around the world to make new friends and connect with old ones. So many times we have been richly blessed by the hospitality of others, and we have been so privileged to share in experiences with them as we learn together how to live out the exhortation of the ancient Hebrew prophet Micah to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

And today, the journey continues. We are nestled on a small island off the coast of Maine, and enjoying a moment of respite and reflection before making the journey across another body of water and starting the drive back home. This time, instead of a paddleboat, the Swan’s Island Ferry will provide our transit.

We do not have any idea what the future holds for #TeamWilliams, but we are certain that if we continue to faithfully seek the wisdom and counsel of our gracious Creator together, He will supply us with absolutely everything we need for the adventure ahead. We are thrilled as we think back over memories that we have made with many of you during these last five years, and we look forward to savoring each new chapter of this story we are writing together with each new day. May we all take moments to soak in the joy of the present while we look forward to a future filled with hope and possibilities.

Washing Dishes, Serving, and Christmas

My wife and her family are absolutely amazing. There are a number of reasons I could list for why I feel this way, but this little post will be centered on just one of them—doing dishes on Christmas.

For the last three years Jamie and her family have allowed me the privilege of joining them in this long time Reaser tradition. It started when Jamie was in middle school/junior high, and her parents were a little concerned that their daughter might somehow get distracted by all of the gift-giving around Christmas and think the day is really about her.

As a result, Jamie’s mom started looking for opportunities in which they could serve on Christmas day in the local community. In Clarksburg, a group had organized a Christmas dinner where they invited people to come for a meal in a local Methodist church (or have the meal delivered). Jamie and her parents signed themselves up to wash dishes and stay behind the scenes. (Ironically, the first time I went with them the local TV station interviewed Jamie about serving there.)

There is something healing that happens in our souls when we serve and look out for the interests of others instead of just ourselves. I believe that this gesture that flies in the face of what has become a ‘normal’ celebration of Christmas (lots of un-needed gifts, and a mid-afternoon visit to a movie theater). Now, don’t get me wrong, movies are great, and the thought behind most gifts is also wonderful, but they just don’t hold a candle to serving.

Jesus said that He “came not to be served but to serve others…”, and when we serve, we are actually following the example and teaching of Jesus. And what better day to serve than on the day the world celebrates His birth.

As 2013 gets started, I want to encourage you to look for opportunities to serve, and then serve. I believe that serving changes us in a good way. I believe that if we all took a little more time to serve others, our families would be healthier, our neighborhoods would be safer, and our world would be a little brighter. And service doesn’t have to be part of a big event. Often the best opportunities to serve show up in the mundane and the every day.

Here’s to making a fresh commitment to service in 2013!

Derek and Becca’s Wedding

Last weekend, I was able to be part of an incredible wedding celebration that featured an old roommate. It’s the second marriage ceremony I’ve been part of in the last month, and it is always a true honor to be involved in such an intimate ceremony and sacred commitment taking place among incredible friends.

This ceremony was an interesting coming together of lives and worlds. One of the  officiants for the wedding was none other then Ben Tuel, another of my former roommates. After graduating, Ben went to work for a ministry called YoungLife in Morgantown, Charleston, and now back in Morgantown again. During his time in ministry, he had met a number of students and witnessed their lives beginning to glow with a love for God and for neighbor. His favorite was a young woman named Becca Thomas, who is now Becca Roberts, my recent roommate’s bride.

As close as Ben was to Becca, I would have to say I felt equally close to Derek. Derek was a roommate of mine for over two years, and he and I have been part of many road trips to Atlanta, Charlotte, and places in-between. I watched Derek grow in both his zeal for God as well as his compassion toward others. During the time I lived with him, I had seen him dedicate time to serving people who were less fortunate in life, both locally and globally. Along with some friends he started a cold shelter for people who did not have homes in Morgantown. He also launched a nationwide tour and drove around the country  raising awareness about the millons of people in our world who lack the tools and knowledge to lift themselves out of extreme poverty.

This coming together of worlds is really what marriage is all about. Two lives are becoming united to serve God and others in ways that they couldn’t do so on their own. Becca and Derek are currently making their home in Charleston, WV, within site of the capitol. The Robertses have been working with high school students in a local church, River Ridge Church, and continue their efforts with YoungLife as Becca finishes her nursing degree at University of Charleston.

The ceremony was definitely memorable. Much like my friends Joel andHolly, Derek and Becca chose a locale that was picturesque, and contributed greatly to the solemnity and sacred air of the occasion. Friends and relatives from many different areas came together for the celebration, and I’m hopeful that this trend will continue throughout their marriage. May their home and their jointly-lived life be a place where many connect, come together, and experience rich hospitality and a wonderful sense of deep love. And further, may their love be an example that is emulated by the many people who cross their paths during their lives together.

Bubble Tea Will Never Be The Same

It was October 19^th, 2008, and the place was a little spot in Morgantown called Bubble Sikaku.  It was an Asian Tea place that sold bubble tea.  Bubble Tea is a delicious drink that has small tapioca balls in the bottom of it. It comes in a variety of flavors and styles, and I believe one could spend years drinking it without exhausting the combinations.  I had chosen Bubble Tea for the place where we would meet.

I had hoped to meet up the day before, go for a bike ride to Apple Annie’s, and then take a drive to Cooper’s Rock, but we couldn’t do that because of schedule conflicts—she was attending a wedding with another guy.  So I waited for the meeting, and planned it for the next day.

When I was scheduling our meeting, she asked if other people could join us, and I told her that I would rather just talk to her.  She asked if she was in trouble or getting fired, and I let her know that she wasn’t in trouble but that I just wanted to talk.

As she came into the space and we sat down, I started by thanking her for her friendship.  We had been friends for three years, and she had become one of my most trusted friends.  She and her mom came to my mother’s funeral, and I had encouraged several guys to pursue a relationship with her because she was such a catch.  And recently, I had wondered if maybe I should stop encouraging other guys to date her.

I told her that we had been spending a lot of time together, and that I really enjoyed every moment of it.  I didn’t believe we had crossed the line of “too much” time, but I felt like we were getting close to that line, and that if I really wanted to honor God, and honor her, I needed to talk in more detail about our relationship.  I wanted to get to know her better, and I was beginning to believe that I either needed to begin to pursue a relationship with her, or back off in our quality time together significantly.

So I shared my feelings with her, and how special and treasured she was to me, and how I had no idea what the future had in store, but that I would love to find out.  Maybe we would only end up being really great friends, but maybe there was something more.

She didn’t talk much.  She didn’t pour her Bubble Tea out on my head either, so it didn’t go entirely badly.  She told me that she was honored and flattered, and although the thought had never crossed her mind about it before, she wanted to take time and pray about it. 

And so she prayed, and I waited.  And after a few weeks of prayer, she let me know that YES, she would be interested in seeing what a relationship together might look like.

Bachelor to the Rapture No More

For the longest time, perhaps for about as long as I’ve been a Christian, I’ve used the term “Bachelor to the Rapture” to describe my relationship status.  I first heard the term from my long time friend Andy Manzo, and it quickly developed into my relationship mantra.  In my mind, I felt like perhaps the best way I could serve God was to do it as a single individual.   That’s not to say that there weren’t people who caught my eye, or who I even considered and pursued for a bit between 1995 and now.  But each time, there was a clarity brought about to indicate to me and/or the other person, that this wasn’t the best match up.

Recently, that all changed.  There was a young lady who over a three year period became one of my closest friends.  We would spend time together often among a larger group of friends, and neither of us looked at the other as a person to pursue for a potential relationship.  But something changed during the fall of 2008, and I began to wonder if I should pursue her as something more than a friend.

So why her?  I’m not sure if I can enumerate all of the reasons, but I can tell you it starts with her faith in Jesus. She is one of the most genuine faith-filled people I have ever met.  There’s something about her that radiates the joy she has in God, and anybody who spends much time with her sees the same attribute.  She loves God, the deep abiding kind of love that saturates every area of life.  Beyond this, she loves people.  In the years that we were friends, I don’t think I ever heard her say a mean thing about another person.  Beyond this, I would regularly see her go out of her way to welcome new people, and comfort those who would be standing at the fringes of our faith community in Morgantown.  She would regularly give of her time and energy to help others realize their potential, to weep with them, and to rejoice with them.  Beyond these two attributes, Jamie truly loves life!  She brings a contagious enthusiasm to everything she does, and people absolutely love her. 

Jamie is set apart from every other person I have ever met.  She is one of the most thoughtful, tender, and nurturing people I know.  If you’ve met her, you know exactly what I mean.  If you haven’t met her yet, I hope you have the opportunity!

I am a “bachelor to the rapture no more,” and I’m looking forward to spending many wonderful years better getting to know this woman who has so enamored my heart.

In future posts I’ll unveil more of the story, and more of how things have transpired since fall 2008, and how Jamie Reaser went from being one of my close friends to my fiancée.  

Frank and Dena

Frank and Dena, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

So I went to that wedding. Franklin Delanor Lambert, Jr. married his wife Dena today. Unfortunately Frank's dad was at the hospital. Frank's mom stayed with her husband. So frank put his phone on speakerphone and allowed his mom and dad to listen to the wedding--pretty sweet idea!

It was great being there for my buddy at his special day. He's been my friend for a long time, and I remember when he put his faith in Jesus. He became a Christian in college, just like me.

It was a pretty cool time. This year I've been to four weddings, and so I've seen a variety of different ways of doing these celebrations.

But the key ingredient has been family and friends. At each one of these celebrations, I've tried to take some time and reflect on how my friends have ministered to me and vice versa over the years.

I've truly been blessed with some great friends, and Frank is on the upper tier. Even though many of my friends live very far away (and for some, the main way we keep in contact is through this blog), it is comforting to know that there are people who care about you that you may not see often. In a world that gets very demanding, it's refreshing to know that there are folks who pray for ya who you may never see. Beyond that, it is a comfort to know that there are people in your world who very little expectations of you--who enjoy you solely for who you are--isn't that a big part of what any Christian community should be about? What a gift!!!

Speaking of prayer for someone you may not know, if you get a chance, say a prayer for Frank, his sister, his wife, his mom, and his dad as they walk through this precarious battle against cancer. It's a real challenge, and they are bearing the challenge gracefully but with a fair share of difficulty.

1st marriage

Saturday, june 18th, 2005. Brett and Amanda Jo Huffman were joined in holy matrimony. I officiated--can you believe it? From all that I heard, I even did a good job. It was a fun day for all of us, and I was definitely privileged to be able to be part of their special day. There is something wonderful about sharing in a day like this with friends like these two. It will be a day remembered for all of my life.

Wow, I love those two!