Remembering Mom And Celebrating A Legacy

It's been exactly ten years since family and friends were called to say our final goodbyes to my mom as she fought tenaciously for ten months in a battle she finally lost to stage four breast cancer. As I think back to those last few days with her on this earth, there was so much of who she was becoming being manifest to each of us. She was looking forward into eternity and encouraging us with every step as her time in this world was drawing short. A few days after the announcement had come that she had a maximum of six months without treatment and a maximum of 18 months with treatment, she shared with one of her fellow church members during a time of church-wide prayer for their healing, "No matter what happens, we win!" Her attitude was infectiously positive even in the middle of trying circumstances. She always set her sights on what was possible and encouraged others to do the same in every aspect of life. She was the kind of person that people write songs about, and in fact, my best friend in the whole world, Willie, did just that.



My mom left this world at age 61 after 43 years of marriage, but I can't really bring myself to say that she died. As the philosopher Dallas Willard has said, "We are each unceasing spiritual beings with an eternal destiny in God's great universe." And as another philosopher and writer C.S. Lewis has said, "You have never met a mere mortal." When my mom left this world to be with Jesus, we mourned her departure, and celebrated the small part of her life we witnessed. And in those few years from then until now, I believe that each of us who knew her has tried to imitate her faith. You see, we can't live our lives in exactly the same way, but we can be imitators of the faith that we witness in those around us and those who have come before us. In some ways, that is one of the most beautiful gifts we can carry, and we can pass on to others who will walk this world long after we have breathed our last.

So much has happened in these last ten years. Her oldest grandchild graduated from a prestigious institution of higher learning, and her youngest grandchild only recently was born. My dad, my sister, my brother, and myself have each sought to deepen and enrich our own walks of faith, and live as a sign, a foretaste, and an instrument of God's Kingdom come, and His will being done on earth as it is in heaven--to the best of our ability.

There have been so many incredible experiences I've had over these last ten years that I wish I could share with my mom. I wish she would have been able to spend more time with Jamie, and celebrate with us on our wedding day. I wish she could have been able to meet Sylvia, and hold her and be one more experienced voice encouraging my wife as she entered into the joys and anxieties that are unique to motherhood. I wish I could have shared just a few of the photos, stories, and adventures I've been privileged to enjoy over these last ten years.

But its not just the stories from my life that I'd love to share. I wish she could see what a disciplined athlete my sister has become, and how her life has flourished over these last few years as she started running and winning trophies for her exploits on roads and trails. I wish she could have seen Dad heroically come back from a heart attack that would have killed most people. She would have loved to have seen the way he fought back and strengthened his heart, and how he gives so generously of himself to care for each of us kids and for so many others. And I wish she could see what a servant leader my brother has continued to be as well. She would have been so impressed with his recent 90 mile bike ride and the way he has led the carpool van for his work by waking up a little after 4AM every weekday for nearly 20 years to drive 8-10 coworkers over an hour to work.

Not that she wasn't proud of us before these last ten years, because she definitely was. She was a huge source of encouragement and inspiration for just about every person with whom she crossed paths. Moments of loss, as painful as they are, remind us to walk gently on this earth, and to love others deeply while we can. Seeing my mom in those last hours, unrelenting in her care for each of us as friends and family gathered in prayer, mourning and strange as it may seem, laugher, those images have become seared in my memory and in my own internal compass as I continue to seek to imitate her persevering and unshakeable tenacity and faith. Even until her last breath, she loved deeply, she ran her race strong, and she never wavered in her care for the rest of us.

If you knew my mom, you know what a special lady she was. And if you didn't, I hope you get the privilege of meeting her one day. Mom's have a special relationship with their children, and while each of us continues to live out our life with zeal and determination, I think each one of us kids (and Dad too), has those moments to this day, when all is quiet, and we have at the same time a deep sense of loss, and a deeper sense of appreciation for each moment we have.

May each of us walk gently on this earth, filled with compassion for others, and with a deep sense of awe for this beautiful place and the wonderful relationships with which the Creator of the universe has blessed each of us. And, may He give each of us space, as we need it, to grieve fully and fearlessly for those, like my mom, who have gone on to be with Jesus before us.

Reflection: Gazing At Gravestones And Living On Purpose

Over the last few weeks, I've had a number of occasions that have led me to take stock of my life, my legacy, and to consider my purpose during my limited time on earth. In the last week alone, have watched from afar as a close friend said goodbye to her mother, read as people were murdered by car bombs, stood-by shocked as floods overtook the homes of individuals in the southern part of my home state of West Virginia. And this past Sunday, I attended Horizons Church in Salem, WV with my wife and her parents.

Each time I visit that church, I try to take a moment and gaze up the hill behind the church and look at the tombstones representing generations past. Actually, every time I pass by a cemetery when I am on foot, I find myself doing this same exercise. I take in the whole of the cemetery, or I focus in on a few of the tombstones. I try to go back in my mind to consider the lives of those represented. Did they have family and friends gather about their grave after they had breathed their last? Do people still visit their final resting places today in remembrance of their life. What were they living for? What principles did they carry forth in their lives? What were their great triumphs and tragedies?What were their dreams?

And then after considering those lives, I strive to take a few moments to think about my own life, and purpose. It's a bit of a gut-check for me to think about my own mortality, and what I want to be true of my life when I breathe my last and see my Creator face-to-face. I know it can sound a bit morbid or gruesome, but there's something sobering and rejuvenating in this process for me. As King David wrote in the Psalms, "Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!" Our lives are temporal. Even Reebok, in this recent commercial encourages us to "Honor the body we have been given" as we consider the brevity of days we have on this earth



This time as I looked at the cemetery and took a quick photo, I found myself considering the ways we can both individually and collectively slip into a life of self-indulgent comfort and ease. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, A mere life of ease is not in the end a very satisfactory life, and, above all, it is a life which ultimately unfits those who follow it for serious work in the world."

I believe each one of us were made for a unique God-honoring purpose, and there is something deeply fulfilling as we discover that purpose, and live passionately out of that purpose. Each of us has a one-of-a-kind contribution to make to the world, and I believe part of the path toward our contribution demands a surrender of comfort and ease for the sake of service to others. Our purpose tends to call to us sometimes softly and other times loudly to step out of our lethargy and "do the work" of becoming the best version of ourselves for the glory of God and the betterment of humanity.

For me, that purpose inspires me to rise daily and to put forth effort to be physically and mentally strong so I can have something to offer to others from my body. It inspires me to pour time into the betterment of and care for others by helping others to be able to make meaningful choices for their future. And even as I write and consider that grand purpose, there's also the hard truth staring me in the face. Sometimes I like to sleep in. Sometimes I find myself wanting to pursue a life of ease. And that's why I'm grateful for the gut-check provided by gazing at a graveyard. One day, I will cease to live this life. I find it helpful in light of this to ask questions of myself like, "What kind of person am I becoming? What kind of person do I want to become?"

What about you? How do you stay mindful of your purpose, and how do you keep fanning the flame to keep moving forward? Whatever it is, my hope is that you and I are able to continue to develop routines in our lives that will help us bring our very best selves to this beautiful majestic world in a way that embodies honor, service, fierce courage, commitment, and tenacious faith. To do anything else is to shrink away from a strong call of duty and a wonderful legacy.

Reflection: My 2016 Goals Part One

Every year, as the year winds to an end, I carve out time to take a look over the previous year and consider goals and plans for the year ahead. Over the years, as I've taken time to do this, I notice that my goals are not so much resolutions as they are an opportunity to go deeper on the things I value highly. The year end/beginning is a time for me to do a checkup on my life and recalibrate and refocus for the present and future. I don't necessarily try to come up with ten goals each year, but it seems like that has become the average for me. And what I have found is that the goals themselves may appear somewhat nebulous or abstract, but the pathway to achievement is always found in concrete steps.  As I share these goals, I hope you will take time to encourage me through the year, and, that you will take time to set your own goals and plans for 2016.

Cultivate my relationship with God. For me, it is as simple as this. Because my relationship with God is my anchor, my compass, and my lighthouse, this needs to take precedence over any other activity. That means that it needs to come first in my day, and that I need to daily start by connecting with God by taking time to listen, to pray, to read scriptures, and to cultivate spiritual disciplines. This goal helps me stay attended and aligned daily with my ultimate purpose, to be with Christ, become more like Christ, and to live more fully for Christ.

Pursue physical fitness and become physically stronger than I have ever been. I need to move. Barring injury, I plan to dedicate 30-60 minutes per day to movement of some type. If that means walking, I'll walk for at least 30 minutes. I am actually conspiring with a small group of friends to start doing some early morning/pre-dawn bootcamp style workouts in Morgantown. While a group of us have been talking about this for about a year, I need to give a shoutout to my good friend Stephen Beckwith and his friends at F3Nation for helping to give shape to this plan. This year, Jamie and I are already thinking through our training plan for Marine Corps Marathon and hopeful that Nuru International will be able to be a charity partner again.

Maintain a positive mindset. Again, this is a goal that is best worked out with a daily routine. That daily routine is simple. Aside from devotional activities and fitness, I have found that one of the most powerful contributors to a positive mental outlook, resilience, and tenacity is a sense of gratitude. Each morning, I commit myself to take a few moments to reflect on one or more things for which I am grateful. And when the events of the day seem like an onslaught of catastrophe, I am committing my mind to find the silver lining. I've noticed that it is just to easy for myself and for others to dwell on the negative. I don't want to ignore problems when they arise, but I do want to buffer myself against allowing a negative thought to spiral out of control and distort reality.

Write, read, and reflect. Every day, I will find time to write, read, and/or reflect. Every day is special and there really are no "ordinary moments" so I want to carve time to savor moments. I'm committed to blogging an average of at least once per week over the course of 2016. For inspiration, I am drawing on the encouragement I found last year from my friend and coworker at Nuru, Thomas Hong. I want to enjoy, savor, and learn from each day, and to do that, I need to be mindful and intentional about it.

Get outside. These days, it seems like more and more of our time is spent inside. Growing up, inside was probably among the last places you would find me and most of my friends while it was daylight. We were outside playing basketball, jumping rope, hiking, fishing, or pursuing the adventure of the day. This year, I want to spend at least 30 minutes per day outside. Of course there will be some days that won't afford this opportunity, but when possible, I want to go beyond the 30 minute goal. I want to soak in the sun and of course Jamie and I will be planning to plant a small garden again--planting and maintaining a garden on one's property is practically a guarantee to be outside. Just as much as it is important to get outside and enjoy creation, there's a valuable relationship with our food that most of us are losing because we've never grown it ourselves.

I'll share the rest of my top top goals in a future post, but in the meantime, I want to encourage you to consider (if you haven't already), what are your goals for 2016? Personally, I'm looking forward to a lot of growth this year! (And may none of us ever stop doing looking forward and growing!)

On My 38th Birthday

As I awoke this morning, I rose with a singular focus. Tired and groggy, but resolute. I began my pre-dawn ritual of reading and exercise with renewed determination.  My wife greeted me at the end of my  solitude and exercise with a wonderful breakfast, made with love, and my heart welled up with gratitude. Even as I write this, I am moved to tears for the gift I have been given to have this truly blessed life, and the opportunity I have to give back to others, and to serve as an ambassador of hope.

One year ago today, when I woke, I was greeted by the African sun, and faced, in an unavoidable way, with the reality that there are people on our planet who live on less than the buying power of one US dollar per day. These are hard working people, who lack in opportunities and choices that most of us take for granted.

One out of six people on our planet live in that condition. They don’t have access to clean drinking water, so quite often they are sick from drinking polluted water. For many living with these challenges, they are malnourished and unable to produce enough food to feed their families. Beyond this, illnesses like malaria and diarrhea threaten their lives in ways that most of us cannot begin to fathom.  And I dream of a day in which injustices like this are not part of our world.

Today I am 38 years old, and I have spent 13879 days learning and growing on this earth.  Each year, and each day for that matter, I find myself learning and growing in my understanding of how to truly live in this world. And the more I learn and grow, I find that the knowledge doesn’t make the living that much easier. Although, the lesson is simple. One’s life in one’s best moments is an opportunity to provide a window to others or a taste of what life looks like when God’s Kingdom comes and His will is done on earth as in heaven.  It is those moments when we live out our purpose best, and we love others as we love ourselves. And part of this life is a journey toward cultivating a life that reflects those moments often.

I am reminded today of an Annie Dillard quote—unfortunately I can’t remember the source. It goes something like this. “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” I have 38 years of days, some good and some bad, but all of them are past now. I have seen people living in desperation financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and I’ve seen glimmers of hope piercing past the pain.

I’m not sure how long I will be walking this earth; I guess none of us really are certain, but I want to spend my days, and my life well. Sometimes I think we have grand dreams for what we would like to accomplish and the impact that we will have on the world, and I think that these are great aspirations and hopes we should all run toward.  But at the same time, I know that the best thing I can do (and you as well) is to strive to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God. None of us really do that in some grand plan. We do it in our daily interactions, our greetings on the street, our responses to challenges, and our willingness to love others, and be ambassadors of hope.

As I move forward into my 38^th year of life on this planet, I long to make each day count. I long to make a difference in this world, and to be an instrument of ushering in beauty and justice in places where there are despair and injustice.  I’m grateful to be part of work that is helping to create a world in which people living in extreme poverty have choices and opportunities for a better future. And I’m thankful that as part of my role at Nuru, I am able to invite others to join in this amazing work. We all have a contribution to make while we have life and breath on this earth.

May today be a day during which we are able to contemplate what our unique contributions will be, and may we each be diligent in our efforts to make those contemplations reality. May we each strive to love others well, and to make our limited time on this earth count for the good of all. 

LOST: A Reflection

After watching the series finale of LOST with my good friend Cameron King and many others, I found myself in a very reflective and pensive mood. My tweet following the end of the series was “Absolutely Beautiful!” and Cameron added the word epic. Epic and beautiful.

So why these two words?

Well I will start with the word epic. When watching LOST the first few times, the element that drew me in was the depth and intricacy of the story itself. LOST is the story of a group of survivors on a plane crash. As one watches the series, one discovers that the survivors of this plane crash have had their lives cross at previous occasions, but during their time on the island they do not realize how close their lives have come together previously. So this group of individuals seemed to be fated to come together, but as they come together, they enter into a story much larger than any of them can imagine. They each receive a fresh start, and it is the myriad array of strengths from their experiences that allows them to form a sense of team and of family as they struggle to survive on this island.
The setting of the island has its own array of strange twists that take it from the typical castaway desert-island trope to emerge as a strange location where polar bears and smoke monsters live, and where an array of strange properties are witnessed (i.e. healing of cancer and paralysis). And yet there is more. This same island proves to be a crucible for testing character as well as a fresh starting point for this unlikely mix of passengers on a plane. The story mixes the natural and the supernatural in such a way that the story grows in intrigue and mystery. There are knowns and unknowns, and just when one thinks they have figured out the island or the plot, a new twist emerges.

I could wax on about the epic simplicity and complexity of the show, the island and the characters, but I’d like to suggest that the there is much more to be said about the beauty of the show and the finale. The show leaves many questions unanswered, and in a way reflects the lives we live. There are subjects we know innately, experiences we can’t explain, and as much as we explore, there are new mysteries to be discovered. And yet, at the same time the numinous should not be a stumbling block. In LOST, of course there were unanswered questions—in some ways it is hard to fully ‘get it’ when watching the series. And yet, the way the story is told, and the endearing qualities of virtually every character draws the viewer in.

Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of the show to me was how it wove great truths together in a beautiful way. We enjoyed watching the characters live out lives of sacrifice, grace, forgiveness, reconciliation, and redemption. In a whirlwind way as the series drew to a close, it appeared that each character discovered his/her unique purpose, and began to live it out in a way that benefitted the whole group.

I believe that there is something beautiful about seeing someone discover their unique purpose in this world, and even more than that, I believe that the most valuable part of our lives when we examine them is not necessarily our exploits and travels, but rather our relationships. Part of the beauty of LOST is that it enthralls the viewers with the characters of the story, but also that it allows us the experience of watching the development and cherishing of relationships. At different points in the story, we watch as characters work to serve themselves, but as the series draws to a close each of them works together to accomplish something truly beautiful. As Jack Shepherd remarks early in the series, “We can live together, or die alone.”

If you are a LOSTIE, I hope you enjoyed these thoughts. I’m tempted to write more, but this post is already a bit long. If you haven’t watched LOST, I believe it is one of the best written television shows in the short history of the medium.

And whether you watch LOST or not, I hope you will work hard in your life to live with a purpose that serves your fellow human beings and that puts a value on relationship, forgiveness, grace, redemption and reconciliation, those, I believe are among the views we will cherish and savor the most as the beautiful and epic stories of our own lives unfold.

Nuru--Party With A Purpose

Nuru--Party With A Purpose, originally uploaded by chanchanchepon.

This photo was taken by my friend ricky beamer last night at a birthday party my friend brittani held for herself and a few of her friends. The friends were Kasey Hott, Brittany Murdock, Curtis Delong, Megan Pavlock, Bethany Cooperrider, Dave Biesecker, Jimmy Shreeves, and Joel Setal.

The party is part of a new theme for gatherings that my friends are doing. We are calling it parties with a purpose. Everybody likes to get together with friends, to catch up, to laugh, and to have fun together. Any good party features these aspects. But we are trying to go a little different route and say that sometimes when we get together, we want to have a purpose beyond ourselves. We want to raise money for a cause or serve the community or the church together.

Last night, everyone was encouraged to bring cash/checks/credit cards. Our purpose? We wanted to raise money for a non-profit many of us are involved with called nuru international. Nuru is an organization that works together with impoverished communities of 5,000-10,000 people who are living in extreme poverty (less than $1/day), to help those communities lift themselves out of extreme poverty in a period of five years. It’s an impressive organization with audacious and yet realistic goals. I highly recommend checking out their website, and even making a financial gift.

So how did this party work? Instead of buying birthday presents we encouraged people to give to nuru. We set up three computers in brittani’s house for people to log-on and give online through nuru’s cause page on facebook. We also had a vase sitting next to one of the computers where people could deposit cash and checks. There were people in front of the computers throughout the evening and lots of giving being done. There were also people playing on a wii, hanging out, laughing, eating great food, sharing stories and all of the normal things that make a get together or birthday party special.

And as the evening came to an end, we found out that our little group of friends had raised nearly $2000 in one evening. (And that doesn’t include folks who haven’t given yet, or whose gifts are in the mail arriving from the other side of the country. To me it’s a great testimony of what happens when people decide to pool their resources, and give their individual gifts. Every single gift adds up, and every measure of generosity, no matter how small or large, gets multiplied when it is given in community.

I’m so excited over what happened in our little get together, and I want to encourage you to consider throwing a “party with a purpose” the next time you get a group of friends together. Maybe you could raise even more money for Nuru? Regardless, there is something beautiful that happens when people unite and contribute to something that is bigger than themselves.

I am still in awe over what I witnessed last night. I hope this story will be an encouragement to you as you read it as well!