Margaret Matinde: A Nuru International Story of A Changed Life

As I mentioned in a post last week, Nuru has put together an online interactive annual report that includes two videos. Last week, I shared a video that told the story of Elias Sinda and how his life had changed as a result of Nuru’s work. 

This week I wanted to post a second video that tells a different story, the story of Margaret Matinde. Margaret’s story is not all that uncommon in Kuria. She lives in a home made from mud and thatch, and works hard to take care of her family. Because noone had ever quipped her with the tools and knowledge necessary to learn to save, her family rarely had money to help meet basic needs, and couldn’t afford to send her children to school

When Nuru came into the community, Margaret (and many, many others) participated in savings clubs. In these savings clubs they learned to save, budget, and invest their resources wisely. As a result of Margaret’s diligence and discipline in saving, she qualified for a small loan from Nuru and she used this money to start a business—a restaurant. Now, it’s not what people in the west are accustomed to when it comes to a ‘restaurant’ but it is an incredible example of local business and local entrepreneurship helping to meet needs in a community.

As a result of Margaret’s successful business, she can now afford to send her children to school, which in turn means that her children will have even more opportunities for a better life. Margaret learned how to do business, and she learned how to save and plan for her family’s future.

I love the fact that we have stories like Margaret’s and Elias’ that we can share. And there are many more people in Kuria who, just like them, are experiencing hope, choices, and opportunities that they would have never dreamed of before Nuru. If you have been volunteering, fundraising, or donating to Nuru, you have been playing a key role in helping Margaret, Elias, and thousands of other people to write these stories, and to have a new outlook for their future.

Our work is just beginning, but together we are making a difference in the world as we work to create a world where people in extreme poverty have choices and hope where there was once desperation and despair. Together, we are ending extreme poverty, one community at a time!

Squash Blossom 2011

One of the most beautiful flowers I believe I have ever seen is the squash blossom. My ancestors thought so much of this flower that it was incorporated into clothing, footwear, jewelry, and accessories for hundreds of years. The squash blossom in its simple beauty also served as a reminder that some of the bounty of the early harvest was coming soon. It was a portent of the late harvest to come as well.

It was and is a symbol of beauty and fragility too. For the last four years, I have kept a garden at my house, and every year I write a post as I see the squash blossom open early in the morning to sunbathe it’s delicate saffron petals. I feel like skills like growing food are becoming quickly forgotten in the West. In my family, we have always grown food, and we have had a longstanding tradition of sharing our harvest with friends and neighbors, and canning some of our harvest to store for the winter months as well.

I realized that I was missing a great deal by not having a garden. I was missing an understanding of where food comes from. I was missing an awareness of what it means to labor for my food. I was missing the joy that comes at harvest time when there is food to eat and grand celebration. My family is Shawnee, and many of my tribe’s ancient ceremonies are intricately tied to planting and harvest.

This year, I have had the distinct joy of planting together with my wife. It is the first time in her life she has planted any crop. And it is exciting to watch her eyes light up as well when she sees the seeds that she planted earlier this year provide food for our new life together and food that we can share with others.

There is an unexplainable sense of gratitude I feel to the Creator of the universe that I experience uniquely when I taste and see the harvest coming. All I did was prepare the soil and drop a seed in the ground, and then amazingly that seed becomes a plant and that plant produces food. Around the world and throughout the history of humanity, I believe that farmers around the world experience that wonderful mixture of gratitude and joy that happens when they see the growth of their crop and they prepare for the harvest and celebration of food to eat for their families.

And for me and my wife this year, we look at the beautiful bouquet of squash blossoms erupting from our garden as an indicator of the harvest to come, and we are thankful.

My Dad: 70 And Going Stronger Than Ever

My dad is amazing. I could probably leave this post at that statement, but I won’t. He just turned 70 on June 1^st (he also shares that birthday with my wife’s dad), and he works out 304 times each week at the Parkersburg YMCA. He rides an exercise bike, hops on a treadmill, and even does the elliptical machine during his two hour workouts.

In 2009 he had a heart attack, and at that time he was walking 12 miles a day. In fall 2008, he and I went on a bike ride that included four miles of an eight percent incline—thankfully he didn’t have a heart attack then, because we were in a remote area. We have made a tradition of journeying at least once each year to the top of Seneca Rocks over the last several years, and we took Jamie along for her first trek this past July.  When dad had the heart attack we wondered if he would be able to keep going like he has in the past. Honestly, he is amazingly fit. I venture to say he is more fit than the majority of people who are half his age.

Earlier this spring, my brother and nephew got a healthy dose of my dad’s fitness as he took them on 25 and 30 mile bike rides averaging 15mph+ in between his workout days.

For the last year, my dad hasn’t been able to walk longer distances because of some inflammation in his plantar fascia, but he has been continuing to exercise and push himself in areas where he can get good cardio work in.

Where many of us would see our setbacks my dad makes adjustments and keeps going strong. Last weekend he and I road our bikes around the course of the Parkersburg half-marathon so we could cheer on our family and friends who were competing. There was never a time I was waiting for my dad; in fact sometimes it was quite the opposite. He is a daily inspiration to me to always be pushing the envelope to be the best I can be in whatever I do.

We all encounter setbacks, injuries, and challenges in this life, but a big part of our the outcome of our life is how we respond to those challenges. My dad has lost his life-long best friend (my mom) to breast cancer, and suffered a massive heart-attack within two years of each other. But he perseveres. He gets up each day, and does his best to make the most of it. He doesn’t see it in himself, but if you spend much time around him, and observe the way he lives, he is one of the most inspiring people you will ever meet.

None of us truly know the number of our days, but while we live and breathe on this earth, we have an opportunity to make the most of this time. I’ve heard it said that the way we spend our days is the way we spend our lives. May we find examples in our life who push us, and encourage us by the way they go about their days, and may we imulate the disciplined way of living that allows us to truly blossom, so that if we live to be 70 like my dad, we will also be going stronger than ever!

Parkersburg Half Marathon: 25 Years

I remember when I was in junior high and I was running the one mile race in the wood county track meet, when I first started hearing about the Parkersburg Half Marathon. I had aspirations of one day running this race (in fact, it was one of my goals unrealized for 2011).  My friend Dan Van Valey and I would joke about me getting out there and running with world class athletes for about a hundred yards before I slowed to my mere mortal pace. This year was the 25^th annual Parkersburg Half-Marathon, and while it is no longer the site for the US Men’s National Championship, runners still come from all over the world to compete.

Although I didn’t run the race this year (foot injury), my sister, my brother-in-law, and my wife all three did run it. For my wife it was her second half-marathon. For my sister and her husband, it was their first. Each of them finished with respectable times. Jamie ran a 2:16 (she had a knee flare up around mile 8), Ray ran a 1:55, and Becky ran an incredible 1:47, and placed second in her age group.

I was proud of all three of them for the races they ran. Jamie ran hers with very little training, but focused on following through on the commitment she made. (It would be easy to have quit or just not run, but she is not a quitter!) Ray has had surgery on both of his ankles in recent years and has lost 80 lbs over the last two years. He just turned 58, and he is probably in the best physical shape of his adult life. He is living proof that if you are disciplined about your habits, you can turn around your physical health pretty significantly. I’m super proud of he and Becky for their commitment to their health.

But the runner I was most impressed with is my sister. I can remember telling her (for years!) that if she ever got serious about running, she could be a really good runner. She would laugh at me sometimes when I said it, but I think Saturday she proved something to her self that I already knew. She has what it takes to be a great runner! She ran her race effortlessly, and had energy to spare at the end of the race. She picked up her pace during the last mile and I personally watched her pass six runners during the moments I saw her near the finish line. If ever my sister has doubts about herself, I hope she will remember Saturday and her confidence will return.

I’m super proud of all of the folks who got out there and walked, ran, and wheelchaired their way thirteen miles through the town of Parkersburg. Some were competing with other runners, but the wise ones were competing with their number one competitor—themselves. No one can push you harder than yourself, no one knows better when you are slacking than yourself. And at the end of the day, the other runners probably won’t be going home with you and talking about your performance.

Whatever race you are running today, whether it is a footrace, or a part of the ‘daily grind’ may you run in such a way to win and be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.

Nuru International 2010 Annual Report: Stories Of Changed Lives

Elias Sinda's Story from Nuru International on Vimeo.

Earlier this month, Nuru released it’s annual report in a really different format. Some organizations send out a brief financial statement to donors; others send a more extensive printed annual report (Nuru did this last year). This year, we thought we would do something really different. We posted our annual report online in a really cool interactive format. I highly recommend you take some time to check it out here.

In the meantime, I thought you would enjoy watching this video of Elias Sinda and hearing about how Nuru’s work in his community has equipped him with the tools and knowledge to help his family lift itself out of extreme poverty. Elias’ story is one of hundreds being written in what is the second poorest district in all of Kenya. With Nuru’s help, the people of Kuria are turning desperate conditions into a world of opportunities. They are learning how to prevent waterborne illness. They are growing enough food to feed themselves,. They are insuring their children are enrolled in school because now they have income that will allow them to pay the nominal school fees. It’s truly wonderful to see.

In spite of the drought that has wreaked havoc across the Horn of Africa, Nuru farmers are thriving. It is truly a joy to know that lives are changing in Kuria, and that you and I get the opportunity to be part of it. Thanks for watching, and thanks for being involved. And if you haven’t gotten involved yet, now is a great time to start.

Not Your Mother's Casseroles

As mentioned in a previous post, my friend Faith Durand just had a cookbook dedicated to the art of casseroles published, and she gave me an autographed copy; It's called, Not Your Mother's Casseroles. As has been my unofficial policy, when I have a friend who publishes a book, I buy a copy, and I try to review it and share it with others.

With Faith, the nature of the review has to be a bit different. For the last few years, she has been writing regularly on a blog as she experiments with recipes, foods and flavors, and in some ways this book is a focused extension of her blog work. She is managing editor for a blog at thekitchn.com and also tweets @thekitchn.

I’m no expert on writing cookbooks, but I will say that my wife has been preparing a few of Faith’s recipes in recent times, and every thing I’ve had so far has been incredibly delicious.  In fact, one of the most bizarre recipes she tried was composed of carrots, mint, and feta cheese.  As strange as this combination might sound, I have to tell you that it was absolutely amazing!

If you like to cook, or know someone else who does, I highly recommend picking up a copy of Faith’s cookbook and giving it a whirl.  

Jeni’s Ice Cream and Northstar Café

Recently, I was in Columbus, Ohio for a few days to visit with my best friend in the whole world, Willie, for Jamie to attend a baby shower for one of her closest friends, Ally, and to meet with a few Nuru supporters in the area. While I was there, Willie and some other friends made it a point to introduce me to a couple of their favorite Columbus businesses.

The first on the list has to be Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream in Bexley. Jeni is a local Columbus business woman who has developed an array of gourmet and specialty ice creams with flavors including Brown Butter Almond Brittle, Goat Cheese With Red Cherries,  and Sweet Corn and Black Raspberries. The eclectic mix of flavors is brought about through natural ingredients, including local organic milk from grassfed cattle. If you are in Columbus, I highly recommend giving Jeni’s Ice Cream a try. My personal favorite is the Brown Butter Almond Brittle, but I must confess that I usually sample four to six different flavors when I visit.

I also had the privilege of visiting the Northstar Café in the Easton Town Center. My friends Faith and Mike introduced Jamie and me to this great local restaurant. The food was incredible and incredibly healthy. They charge a little bit more for their food, but they have set up their café so that tips aren’t part of the protocol, and, much like Jeni’s Ice Cream, they choose locally grown and natural ingredients. From what I’ve been able to gather, they even thought through the long term impact of the materials they choose for building out their restaurant space.

I probably could have dedicated separate entries for each of these businesses, but I thought I would lump them together for their similar philosophies. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to visit both spaces with friends and experience a bit of the local flavor of Columbus. Interestingly, while Jamie was at Ally’s baby shower, I randomly walked into a bookstore where Jeni was signing copies of her new book. 

While I didn’t get in line for an autograph, I did get an autographed copy of my friend Faith’s book, Not Your Mother’s Casseroles but I’ll have to save my comments on her book for another delicious post.

What are some of the local businesses in your neck of the woods that you would recommend?

U2 360 Tour Heinz Field Pittsburgh

On my brother's birthday, July 26th, Jamie and I went to our first concert together as a married couple (I know, it was such a thoughtful and selfless gift for Chuck). We were able to get two tickets to see U2 at their last show in the United States on their current tour, and I would have to say that it was the best concert I have ever seen. It was absolutely incredible!

There are so many aspects I'd like to write about, but I'm going to limit myself to just a few. First, I loved the way they interacted with the crowd all night. The band could remember their first show in Pittsburgh. It was in a small club in 1981. They have been returning to Pittsburgh for years (I had seen them with three of my friends during their last tour in 2005). They referenced cultural icons and built a rapport with folks in the Burgh quickly. Beyond this, they built a sense of community and togetherness with the fans in attendance. It was really something to experience.

For instance, as Bono started singing "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," a song that was written as a modern hymn by the band, he stepped away from the microphone and the entire crowd in Heinz Field sang the first verse and chorus together. Bono picked it back up for the second verse, but it became one of many powerful moments for the concert attendees.

Beyond the feeling of camaraderie among the attendees, there was something special about the band themselves. They weren't just a group of musicians, they were a team of lifelong friends. They have been playing music together since 1976, and they have been able to bridge the gap of multiple generations. There were young and old alike in the crowd singing along to songs that spanned many years of their career. These guys have fun playing music together, and have been creating unique moments for concert goers for decades.

Beyond all of this, I think I appreciated most of all the sense of a long, persistent faithfulness to social causes and social justice. Sometimes, I think Bono is looked at as some rock star who just recently became an advocate for social causes, but the band has been serving as advocates for others for most of their career. In fact, two years ago, I saw U2 perform in Washington DC, and during the concert they made a focused push for freeing Burmese political prisoner Aung San Suu Kii. They encouraged fans to write letters and use their voices as advocates for freeing Aung San Suu Kii. In November 2010 she was freed, and during the concert in Pittsburgh, she addressed the crowd by video and encouraged them to use their voices to fight for justice and to serve those who are in need.

As Jamie and I took in the sights and sounds of an incredible evening in Pittsburgh, I was reminded of the importance of perseverance and faithfulness, and I felt a renewed energy for approaching the causes I am passionate about with an even greater zeal. I hope that twenty years from now, I will be able to look back and see the impact that comes from longstanding faithfulness and tenacity.

May we each emulate these rockers from Ireland in the way that they work toward creating community, beauty, and seeking the good of others all the days of our lives. And, if you have an opportunity to see U2 on a future tour, take advantage of the opportunity. You won't regret it.

Night Of Hope

I thought that getting back into the groove with my blog would be much easier than it has been. I had every intention of getting back into a regular flow, but I've found myself much slower in the process than I would like. I'm hoping to change that this week, and I'm starting with an event I attended last night.

It was called Night of Hope. My friend Eric Baldwin invited me, Jamie, and my best friend in the whole world, Willie, to attend this evening highlighting the issue of human trafficking both in the state of Ohio and internationally.  The event was hosted by Veritas Community Church in downtown Columbus. As my friend Eric was telling us about the event, I was excited to find out that an organization started by a friend who used to be on staff with GCM with me was among the groups who would be sharing, Doma International.

Doma along with representatives from three other groups shared some of their work on the issue of human trafficking.  One group, C.A.T.C.H. (I couldn't find a URL), works specifically to rehabilitate women who had been trafficked as youth and have since been caught-up in a cycle of prostitution. During the evening we were able to hear some of these women share how they had been abducted and forced into a life of prostitution during a young age, and how the CATCH program had helped them to leave a life of drugs and crime, develop job skills, get an education, and work toward reconciliation with their families.

Two other groups, As Our Own and Grace Haven shared even more stories of redemptive work in Columbus and in India as they work to rescue young girls from the world of prostitution. The stories were heartbreaking, and hearing them has made me even more fervent in pursuit of justice. I'm grateful to know that so many are laboring to make a difference in this world, and hopeful that many more will join with these and other organizations for more than a night of hope; we each need to start somewhere, and may we keep running until our part to play in building a better world is finished.

Rockets And Relaxation With Friends

Flying WV #3 Launch 2 from Ricky Beamer on Vimeo.

This past Saturday, I awoke with grand goals. I wanted to spend the majority of the day writing and ruminating on the events of the last two months and “catch up” with blogging.

This simply did not happen. Instead, I found myself getting out of bed early to join my friends Ricky, Jason, Justin and Sarah for a rocket launch. 

No, we were not in Florida, nor were we going to observe the latest exploratory journey of NASA. Instead, we were driving into western Monongalia County for the launch. We journeyed just a few minutes outside Morgantown, and Ricky brought out his rocket, “Flying WV #3”. We had three video cameras and a single still camera recording the launch as we gathered on a rural hillside. I honestly felt like a close friend to Homer Hickam and his buddies in Coalwood as Ricky began setting up the launch pad.

The rocket had three engines and was anticipated to shoot into the air about 2000 feet. We hooked a switchbox to Ricky’s car battery for the launch and each of us prepared our recording devices to take in this historic flight. 5-4-3-2-1-BLAST OFF!

There was a malfunction. Only one of the engines fired. The rocket only rose a few feet off the ground.  After peaking at about 30 feet, the three pieces of the rocket separated, and drifted back to the earth. As the rocket slowly dropped, the second engine fired, but was not able to propel the separated rocket in any direction. 

Our chief engineer. Is currently reviewing footage and preparing for a future launch. Thankfully this launch did no damage to the rocket’s integrity, and a future launch should be able to take place later this year.  It was great connecting with friends on this little adventure, and even dreaming of a future adventure of either hiking, or camping, or a little bit of both with a great crew of incredible friends.

As we wound our way back to the house, we were visited by another friend--Joel Williams. Joel has been part of our community, for a few years, he was in the neighborhood, and he stopped in for a visit. We enjoyed good conversation, laughter, and some homemade popcorn.

While I didn’t blog during the day (or even open my laptop), I have to say it was incredibly relaxing to be able to spend time just relaxing. I actually took a nap in the middle o f the day, and went to sleep before 10PM. This was an incredibly different pace than I typically live, and I truly believe it was a much needed day of rest.

Somehow, over the last few months I’ve found myself getting out of the practice of Sabbath, but this day, was a great first step back into it.

A Lengthy Hiatus

Well, it has been approximately two months since I last blogged. In the beginning, this was the unintentional consequence of preparing for my wedding and heading off for a lengthy honeymoon. Since returning to “the real world” it has just seemed that there hasn’t quite been the time to write. And I guess that’s the irony; a life of adventure allows for plenty of content, but alas it has minimized time to write.

I have still made a habit of reflecting, and often, I will awaken early in the morning and go for a walk in my neighborhood.  I arise and slip on my sneakers and make my way through the quiet streets. I make my way to Mountaineer Field and Ruby Memorial Hospital, and then proceed back to the house. Part of my early morning walk is for the quiet and opportunity for reflection. Part is simply a matter of exercise and enjoying the created world.  I walk early partially for the quiet, but honestly it has been so hot and humid that I find it necessary to rise early in order to beat the heat too.

As much as I have enjoyed the walking in the early morning world, I have also greatly missed blogging. Since I first started blogging (in Winter 2003), I have found it to be a spiritual discipline of sorts, and an outlet for me to be able to write and reflect on places, experiences, and people with whom I’ve connected. It’s also provided me an opportunity to share the journey with others, including you.

If you have been disappointed by my lack of posts, I apologize. I’m really looking forward to getting back into the routine, and I believe my next several posts will be a mixture of reflections from the last few months along with some current happenings.

I’ve taken a lengthy hiatus, but I am back, and looking forward to diving deeply into the written word.  Thanks for reading, and for allowing me to share with you. 

The Ring Part 7 The Finished Product

After Doug had finished cutting the stone, I still had the challenge of selecting a ring for the stone.  Again, I was looking at silver, and Doug had warned me about a couple of challenges with silver.  Silver is usually very pure compared to other precious metals 98%+ versus gold being about 60% pure.  This means that silver rings are somewhat softer than gold rings (even though pure gold is very soft).  Also, most rings are made from gold or platinum, so he warned me that it may be difficult to find a silver ring that I liked.

We spent about two hours pouring through a catalog and I found about eight options that I liked.  There was one ring in particular with which the wedding band paired uniquely, and the engagement ring itself had a unique setting.  Instead of 4-6 prongs (which can break), the ring setting was comprised of two semi-circular clasps that hold the stone liked two clasped hands.

Doug was concerned that the ring may not be able to be cast in silver, but to my joy and our collective surprise, it could be.

Some of you may be wondering why I would go to such lengths over a ring and stone.  Let me explain.  Jamie is incredibly special to me, in fact, I would say that she is a precious gem and a treasure that God and her parents have entrusted to me, and allowed me the privilege of sharing her and caring for her.  She’s an incredible lady, and I consider her a gift to be cherished.  So often, the media encourages us to spend money to show our love for another person, and personally, I love to lavish gifts upon my friends.

With Jamie’s ring, I wanted her to be able to look at it, and know that it, much like she, is one of a kind.  I wanted her to know that I wanted the ring to be special and memorable, and that I wanted it to be a symbol of the same care that I want to show her for the rest of our lives on this earth together.  It’s also a symbol of the degree of care with which I want to live my life on this planet.  It’s not often we get an opportunity to pour thought and effort into a symbol, and an engagement/wedding ring is one of the most powerful symbols on the planet.

For you men out there, remember that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and that your spouse is one of the most precious gifts God can give you.  Don’t take this person lightly or take this gift for granted.  For you women, the same is true.  You are called to support one another and to work together to accomplish far more good in this world than either of you could do alone.  That’s a lofty challenge, and the beginning of such a work is to be found in centering your lives upon the beautiful way of Jesus, and then taking this divine love and sharing it with each other, then letting it pour out to the rest of the world to add bring joy and peace to the earth.

The Ring Part 6 Some Spiritual Thoughts About The Process

As I was writing about the process of making Jamie’s engagement ring, I couldn’t help but think about a spiritual correlation.  I think God finds us on this earth as rough sapphires.  He applies heat and pressure, and begins to shave away aspects of our lives that do not reflect light brilliantly.  For us, the process is often painful.  Nobody likes having our rough spots grinded away until they are smooth as glass.

But God does this, and over time, there is a brilliance and light that emanates from us with increasing brightness, that is if we abandon ourselves to the trustworthy skill and expertise of God the gem-cutter.  If not, we may never develop our full potential.

But every time we yield another aspect of our life, to the Creator, he is able to create another facet.  And then, we reflect light.  We don’t produce it from within, but rather, the light enters us like it enters a gem, it bounces around, and then radiates outward like some kind of divinely orchestrated spark or sparkle.  When you see someone whose life seems to radiate a great light, it is a mark of the master jeweler who has been cutting away and working toward’s creating a masterpiece out of that person’s life.  You see, we aer God’s masterpiece, we are his precious gems that he created for the purpose of emanating love, joy, piece, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. In a world in which we need to see more of these things.

May you be yielded in the hands of the Master as he brings out your brilliance and enables you to reflect and shine His light in this world.

The Ring Part 5 The Stone And The Process

After doug received the stones, he began working on cutting them;my previous post contains an image of the rough stone before any cuts or faceting if you want to get an idea of what it looks like--it really just looks like a bright colored rock. 

One stone, he planned to do a pin cushion cut (a little more antique style), but mine I had hoped to be rounded.  The stones were 3 and 5 Karats rough, but much of the stone get’s ground away as the gem cutter begins faceting.

One day, I visited doug’s house just to see the apparatus he used.  Not being a gem cutter, it was like exploring a whole new world and culture.  He had intricate apparatus that used small diamonds to grind away the sapphire.  The only thing harder than sapphire is diamond, so it was a pretty challenging process for Doug to cut such a hard stone.  After he had cut the first stone, he saw some imperfections in it, and wanted to make sure that I still wanted to take the risk of cutting the other stone.  You see, the sapphire mine would take the rough sapphire back, but if there was a single cut made into the stone, then we would be keeping it. I told him that I was willing to take the risk, and that I wanted to see this through to completion.

So doug began the work of making a stone into a beautifully sparkling sapphire gem.  I asked him to take photos during the process, so I could share this story with Jamie, and then with you. 

I also want to recommend Doug’s work to you.  He is a Doctoral candidate in Neurobiology, and so this is more of a hobby for him than a profession.  His work takes time, but he has an incredible eye for detail, and loves the challenge of bringing out the brightness and color of stones by precise and diligent faceting work.

As you can see, the process brings out so much of the stone.  

The Ring Part 4--Indigenous Stone

Doug started making calls to mines around the country to find that there was only one mine in the country that was still producing topaz.  It was in Texas, and the mine owner was also a gem cutter.  She insisted that she cut the stone, and was charging a very steep price for her topaz. 

I don’t think I mentioned this earlier, but as Doug and I had our initial discussion, he offered to cut whatever stone we were able to get.  If he found something, he would order it, and then would cut it for me.  Doug’s a pretty amazing dude.

So as Doug commences calling mines, he gets in touch with the owner of a sapphire mine in Montana who had just discovered two rough blue sapphires.  He said that if I wanted one, he would take the other, and would keep it for his own collection.  I gave him the ok, and he placed the order.

Just so you know, if you are thinking about trying this, there are no guarantees with purchasing rough stone.  As you cut into the stone, there may be impurities, fractures, and the like that emerge.  Sometimes stones will be heat treated to burn away many of the impurities.  The stones Doug was working with came out of the earth as is.

Also, if you are thinking about doing something like this, it takes time and effort.  It’s not as simple as clicking a couple of buttons or going to the jewelry store and swiping a credit card.  In order to do it, you need to plan ahead, and give time for the turn around.  From start to finish of everything it took around a month.  I believe it was worth it.

The Ring Part 3 The Search

Knowing that Jamie and I desired to keep the cost of the symbol low, I began my search.  Actually, my best friend in the whole world, Willie, helped me begin the search.  He sent me several websites with alternative style rings.  Everything from wood to hammered silver.  I loved looking through the pages and considering the power of the symbol as well as the power of the story we could tell about the ring.  Looking for a female perspective, I turned to my sister. She suggested that I consider buying a ring that was made from Jamie’s birthstone.  Jamie’s birthstone is blue in color, and Turquoise, Blue Topaz, and Zircon are all considered December birth stones.  I began looking online at different rings that were available, and then an idea occurred to me. 

Back when I was working as a chemist at Mylan, I worked with a guy who had become a gem collector and jeweler.  His name is Doug Kolson.  Doug and I were friends back in the day, but I hadn’t talked to him in a while.  As I searched through several web pages, and considered walking into a jewelry store with hundreds of mass produced rings, I just felt like none of these would be special enough for Jamie.  I wanted something that was unique, and I thought, “Maybe Doug could help me find something.”  After all, the world of precious stones and jewelry was fairly new territory for me (the last ring I bought had a giant cherry flavored “gem” atop the plastic ring), and so help from a knowledgeable friend would be so incredible.

I called Doug, and we set up a meeting during the evening of the day when I asked Jamie’s dad’s permission for her hand in marriage.

Doug and I looked through his collection as I explained to him that I wasn’t interested in a diamond, but rather I was considering a blue topaz.  My first preference was to find a stone that came from a mine in the US, so I could insure it was “conflict free.”  After that, I wanted to buy a quality stone that had a bluish tint and that was semi-precious.  After suggesting stones from topaz,  zircon and sapphire, we landed on a search for natural blue topaz or a blue sapphire,  both of which could be found in the United States.

The Ring Part 2-I Could Have Done More

Beyond the issue of conflict stones is another issue.  It’s the issue of spending extravagant sums of money on a status symbol.  The power of a ring to be a symbol of commitment and fidelity is not dependent on the amount spent on it.  Nor does it indicate the degree of love that one has for another. 

Jamie and I made a second decision that we wouldn’t “buy into” the standards set across our country for engagement ring expenditures.  One reason is because of financial feasibility—why should we go into debt for something if we can prevent it.  The second reason compels us more strongly than potential debt.  If you’ve ever seen the movie Schindler’s List, you might know what I mean.  At the end of the movie, Oskar Schindler, while standing amid a group of thankful Jewish Holocaust survivors, begins to lament the things he didn’t do.  He looks at his pin and tells them that it could have saved another life, and then he looks at his car and says, “this could have been ten more lives.”  He breaks down in the arms of one of the Jews he had saved lamenting, “I could have done more!”  Every time I see that clip, I think about the wastes we take part in on a daily basis.  Jamie and I decided not to spend a bunch of money on a ring, when we could use the same money to help our global neighbors who are living in extreme poverty.  We’ve both heard all of the arguments—“It’s an investment!” “You will have this your entire life!” “It’s a way of communicating your love for one another!”  We believe that the symbol of the ring still has it’s same power whether we spend $50 or $5000 for it. 

Every time Jamie or myself look at the ring, or share the story with another person, it’s a reminder to us and to them, that we are building the foundation of our relationship on principled decisions, on our love for each other emanating from a love for God and overflowing to allow us to love our fellow human beings.

If you made a different decision for your engagement ring, this post isn’t to make you feel guilty.  Rather, if you haven’t made this decision yet, then we would like to encourage you to think about the good you could do by resisting some of the traditions of the past and trends of the present. No matter what, it's always a good process to evaluate what we use our resources in this world.

The Ring Part 1 Do No Harm

Over the next few posts, I am hoping to share some thoughts and reflections around the process of the creation of Jamie's ring. Hope you enjoy them.

As I mentioned before, I initially wanted a hand crafted silver ring that was made by a tribal elder to be the ring with which I proposed to Jamie, but that just wasn’t working out.  Jamie had mentioned that she loved silver, and that she’d like her ring to be made from this precious metal.  She and I had also discussed that no matter what, we didn’t want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on the ring, or purchase a precious stone that could be associated with conflict, slavery. 

You might be wondering what I mean by conflict.  If you have seen or heard of the movie “Blood Diamond” you have some idea.  You see, many of the precious stones that make their way into our jewelry here in the United States come from places known for political instability, extreme poverty, and violence.   Poor people become forced laborers, and are compelled to search for these precious stones.  Then, the  guerrilla or terrorist group that forces these people to work take the stones.  They sell the stones in global markets, and use the precious stone trade to fund their operations, and continue to oppress other men, women and children.

It’s a very ugly situation, but we are significantly removed from the reality of it when we walk into the local jewelry store and go online to purchase a gift.  Early in our relationship, Jamie and I watched the movie Blood Diamond, and made a conscious decision that if we continued in our relationship and became husband and wife that we would not support the diamond trade, and that we would seek to do no harm with our purchase.

One of the things about Jamie that impresses me about her is her heart for justice (that could be a blog post in itself), and her practical mentality about material goods.  She and I both strive to thoughtfully love our neighbors, and one of the ways we wanted to do this was to go against the grain of normal wedding rings.  I don’t believe anybody sets in their mind to do harm by the purchase of an engagement ring or other jewelry.  Honestly, as I said before, we are so far removed from the conflicts associated with these precious stones that we just don’t know what evil we may be participating in when we make a purchase.

The Place

Back in April 2010 I went to visit some folks from my tribe who live along the Ohio River. Me and my best friend in the whole world, Willie, picked up some tobacco as per our tribal tradition while on our way (you should always bring some form of tobacco as a gift when visiting an elder or spiritual leader), since we were visiting the oldest living elder of our tribe.  His name is Flying Duck, and he is the brother of our tribe’s former principle chief.  He and his sons are pretty amazing artisans, and in particular he and one of his sons work with silver.

The reason for our visit was twofold.  The first reason was because Flying Duck is an elder, and regrettably for both Willie and myself it had been far too long since we last visited him.  The second reason was because I was hoping to ask him and his son if they could make an engagement/wedding band for me to offer Jamie as I asked for her hand in marriage.  Shawnee people have a long tradition in silver-work, and for many other tribes, the word used to describe the Shawnee meant “the silver people.”

As Willie and I drove the narrow country road that led away from the Ohio River along a small stream on Rush Run Road, my mind flooded with memories.  We had driven this road many times before to visit Flying Duck and other Shawnee who lived in the area.  We had roofed a house there, gone to church there, attended funerals there, and on many occasions sat in the house where Flying Duck and Raincrow grew up.

Every time I visit, I sit down in an old wooden chair that sat next to an old wooden table in the dining room, and sometimes, Flying Duck talk about the table and chair. Shawnee people love to tell stories. "Billy, a lot of very deeply spiritual people have sat at that table.  Many of the most committed Christians I have ever known have sat exactly where you are sitting.  Raincrow, my grandmother, and my mother have all sat in that space.  We’ve hosted missionaries, preachers and others and they have sat right here at that table for meals.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Alexander Reed? Dr. Alexander Reed was a missionary to Africa and he had a huge crush on my mother.  Lot’s of men did because she was beautiful, and very godly.  Every time Dr. Alexander Reed would return from Africa, he would come visit for Sunday dinner after church and would share stories with our family of his missions in Africa.  Lot’s of powerful Christians have sat where you sit Billy, and it’s an honor to have you sit there too!”

And so we would sit and listen and share stories.  It’s a bit of the Indian way.  On this trip, it was more of the same, and although Flying Duck and his son felt they would be unable to help me make a unique ring, we certainly enjoyed catching up, and sharing stories.  I remember my drive back to Columbus with Willie, and just how nostalgic we had become from our visit to a place and to people with whom we had many special memories.

As I talked with Jamie about it the next day, it sparked a question.  “Where’s the most special place on earth for you, where you have a lot of memories and good times?”

Her response, “I’d have to say Lake Floyd.  It’s the place where I grew up, and it is really special to me.”

I thought, then spoke “Well, is there any place in particular around the lake that is particularly special for you? It’s kind of a big place.”

“The middle of the lake, I used to love rowing out there and sitting—it’s just so quiet and peaceful.”

And that’s when I knew that when I asked Jamie to marry me, it was going to be in the middle of Lake Floyd…

And what about you?  What are some special and sacred places for you?

One More Permission

Jamie and I had been in a relationship for a long time, and once again I found myself looking for an opportunity to sit down with Jamie’s dad to ask permission of him.  This time it was to ask for his permission to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  It was a one of a kind conversation, and had it’s fair share of humor in the brief exchange.

It was mother’s day 2010, and Jamie and I drove to Lake Floyd to spend a little time with her parents.  I was praying for the right time to ask her dad, and for an opportunity, but I knew that much of my summer I would be out of town and traveling.  I had a 5-10 minute window on Sunday morning before church while Jamie was taking a a shower, so I took my opportunity.

“Hey Les, could I talk to you for a minute”

“Sure”

We sat down in the living room, and I started.

“I’ve never done this before, and I hope I never have to do this again”--masterfully eloquent I know.

We both laughed a little bit, and I continued, “but I’d like to ask your permission to ask Jamie to marry me.”

“Sure. Kim and I felt like we might have this conversation soon.  When were you thinking about asking her?”

“I was thinking sometime over the next month or two.  I’m going to be meeting with a friend tonight who is a gem cutter about possible rings and gemstones.”

“When were you thinking about a wedding date?” 

“I was thinking sometime next May or June, after she finishes her Master’s degree.”

“Well what if she says no?”

“I never thought about that, that’s a good question!”

“You know nobody bats 1.000 right?”

We both laughed, and I told him my plans for asking her.  He asked me to let me know if there was anything he and his wife could do to assist.

And then Jamie came out of the shower and we all drove to South Ridge Church.  Les told his wife about our conversation, but Jamie would have to remain in the dark for a few more weeks . . .