The Ring Part 7 The Finished Product

After Doug had finished cutting the stone, I still had the challenge of selecting a ring for the stone.  Again, I was looking at silver, and Doug had warned me about a couple of challenges with silver.  Silver is usually very pure compared to other precious metals 98%+ versus gold being about 60% pure.  This means that silver rings are somewhat softer than gold rings (even though pure gold is very soft).  Also, most rings are made from gold or platinum, so he warned me that it may be difficult to find a silver ring that I liked.

We spent about two hours pouring through a catalog and I found about eight options that I liked.  There was one ring in particular with which the wedding band paired uniquely, and the engagement ring itself had a unique setting.  Instead of 4-6 prongs (which can break), the ring setting was comprised of two semi-circular clasps that hold the stone liked two clasped hands.

Doug was concerned that the ring may not be able to be cast in silver, but to my joy and our collective surprise, it could be.

Some of you may be wondering why I would go to such lengths over a ring and stone.  Let me explain.  Jamie is incredibly special to me, in fact, I would say that she is a precious gem and a treasure that God and her parents have entrusted to me, and allowed me the privilege of sharing her and caring for her.  She’s an incredible lady, and I consider her a gift to be cherished.  So often, the media encourages us to spend money to show our love for another person, and personally, I love to lavish gifts upon my friends.

With Jamie’s ring, I wanted her to be able to look at it, and know that it, much like she, is one of a kind.  I wanted her to know that I wanted the ring to be special and memorable, and that I wanted it to be a symbol of the same care that I want to show her for the rest of our lives on this earth together.  It’s also a symbol of the degree of care with which I want to live my life on this planet.  It’s not often we get an opportunity to pour thought and effort into a symbol, and an engagement/wedding ring is one of the most powerful symbols on the planet.

For you men out there, remember that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and that your spouse is one of the most precious gifts God can give you.  Don’t take this person lightly or take this gift for granted.  For you women, the same is true.  You are called to support one another and to work together to accomplish far more good in this world than either of you could do alone.  That’s a lofty challenge, and the beginning of such a work is to be found in centering your lives upon the beautiful way of Jesus, and then taking this divine love and sharing it with each other, then letting it pour out to the rest of the world to add bring joy and peace to the earth.

The Ring Part 6 Some Spiritual Thoughts About The Process

As I was writing about the process of making Jamie’s engagement ring, I couldn’t help but think about a spiritual correlation.  I think God finds us on this earth as rough sapphires.  He applies heat and pressure, and begins to shave away aspects of our lives that do not reflect light brilliantly.  For us, the process is often painful.  Nobody likes having our rough spots grinded away until they are smooth as glass.

But God does this, and over time, there is a brilliance and light that emanates from us with increasing brightness, that is if we abandon ourselves to the trustworthy skill and expertise of God the gem-cutter.  If not, we may never develop our full potential.

But every time we yield another aspect of our life, to the Creator, he is able to create another facet.  And then, we reflect light.  We don’t produce it from within, but rather, the light enters us like it enters a gem, it bounces around, and then radiates outward like some kind of divinely orchestrated spark or sparkle.  When you see someone whose life seems to radiate a great light, it is a mark of the master jeweler who has been cutting away and working toward’s creating a masterpiece out of that person’s life.  You see, we aer God’s masterpiece, we are his precious gems that he created for the purpose of emanating love, joy, piece, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. In a world in which we need to see more of these things.

May you be yielded in the hands of the Master as he brings out your brilliance and enables you to reflect and shine His light in this world.

The Ring Part 4--Indigenous Stone

Doug started making calls to mines around the country to find that there was only one mine in the country that was still producing topaz.  It was in Texas, and the mine owner was also a gem cutter.  She insisted that she cut the stone, and was charging a very steep price for her topaz. 

I don’t think I mentioned this earlier, but as Doug and I had our initial discussion, he offered to cut whatever stone we were able to get.  If he found something, he would order it, and then would cut it for me.  Doug’s a pretty amazing dude.

So as Doug commences calling mines, he gets in touch with the owner of a sapphire mine in Montana who had just discovered two rough blue sapphires.  He said that if I wanted one, he would take the other, and would keep it for his own collection.  I gave him the ok, and he placed the order.

Just so you know, if you are thinking about trying this, there are no guarantees with purchasing rough stone.  As you cut into the stone, there may be impurities, fractures, and the like that emerge.  Sometimes stones will be heat treated to burn away many of the impurities.  The stones Doug was working with came out of the earth as is.

Also, if you are thinking about doing something like this, it takes time and effort.  It’s not as simple as clicking a couple of buttons or going to the jewelry store and swiping a credit card.  In order to do it, you need to plan ahead, and give time for the turn around.  From start to finish of everything it took around a month.  I believe it was worth it.

The Ring Part 1 Do No Harm

Over the next few posts, I am hoping to share some thoughts and reflections around the process of the creation of Jamie's ring. Hope you enjoy them.

As I mentioned before, I initially wanted a hand crafted silver ring that was made by a tribal elder to be the ring with which I proposed to Jamie, but that just wasn’t working out.  Jamie had mentioned that she loved silver, and that she’d like her ring to be made from this precious metal.  She and I had also discussed that no matter what, we didn’t want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on the ring, or purchase a precious stone that could be associated with conflict, slavery. 

You might be wondering what I mean by conflict.  If you have seen or heard of the movie “Blood Diamond” you have some idea.  You see, many of the precious stones that make their way into our jewelry here in the United States come from places known for political instability, extreme poverty, and violence.   Poor people become forced laborers, and are compelled to search for these precious stones.  Then, the  guerrilla or terrorist group that forces these people to work take the stones.  They sell the stones in global markets, and use the precious stone trade to fund their operations, and continue to oppress other men, women and children.

It’s a very ugly situation, but we are significantly removed from the reality of it when we walk into the local jewelry store and go online to purchase a gift.  Early in our relationship, Jamie and I watched the movie Blood Diamond, and made a conscious decision that if we continued in our relationship and became husband and wife that we would not support the diamond trade, and that we would seek to do no harm with our purchase.

One of the things about Jamie that impresses me about her is her heart for justice (that could be a blog post in itself), and her practical mentality about material goods.  She and I both strive to thoughtfully love our neighbors, and one of the ways we wanted to do this was to go against the grain of normal wedding rings.  I don’t believe anybody sets in their mind to do harm by the purchase of an engagement ring or other jewelry.  Honestly, as I said before, we are so far removed from the conflicts associated with these precious stones that we just don’t know what evil we may be participating in when we make a purchase.

The Place

Back in April 2010 I went to visit some folks from my tribe who live along the Ohio River. Me and my best friend in the whole world, Willie, picked up some tobacco as per our tribal tradition while on our way (you should always bring some form of tobacco as a gift when visiting an elder or spiritual leader), since we were visiting the oldest living elder of our tribe.  His name is Flying Duck, and he is the brother of our tribe’s former principle chief.  He and his sons are pretty amazing artisans, and in particular he and one of his sons work with silver.

The reason for our visit was twofold.  The first reason was because Flying Duck is an elder, and regrettably for both Willie and myself it had been far too long since we last visited him.  The second reason was because I was hoping to ask him and his son if they could make an engagement/wedding band for me to offer Jamie as I asked for her hand in marriage.  Shawnee people have a long tradition in silver-work, and for many other tribes, the word used to describe the Shawnee meant “the silver people.”

As Willie and I drove the narrow country road that led away from the Ohio River along a small stream on Rush Run Road, my mind flooded with memories.  We had driven this road many times before to visit Flying Duck and other Shawnee who lived in the area.  We had roofed a house there, gone to church there, attended funerals there, and on many occasions sat in the house where Flying Duck and Raincrow grew up.

Every time I visit, I sit down in an old wooden chair that sat next to an old wooden table in the dining room, and sometimes, Flying Duck talk about the table and chair. Shawnee people love to tell stories. "Billy, a lot of very deeply spiritual people have sat at that table.  Many of the most committed Christians I have ever known have sat exactly where you are sitting.  Raincrow, my grandmother, and my mother have all sat in that space.  We’ve hosted missionaries, preachers and others and they have sat right here at that table for meals.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Alexander Reed? Dr. Alexander Reed was a missionary to Africa and he had a huge crush on my mother.  Lot’s of men did because she was beautiful, and very godly.  Every time Dr. Alexander Reed would return from Africa, he would come visit for Sunday dinner after church and would share stories with our family of his missions in Africa.  Lot’s of powerful Christians have sat where you sit Billy, and it’s an honor to have you sit there too!”

And so we would sit and listen and share stories.  It’s a bit of the Indian way.  On this trip, it was more of the same, and although Flying Duck and his son felt they would be unable to help me make a unique ring, we certainly enjoyed catching up, and sharing stories.  I remember my drive back to Columbus with Willie, and just how nostalgic we had become from our visit to a place and to people with whom we had many special memories.

As I talked with Jamie about it the next day, it sparked a question.  “Where’s the most special place on earth for you, where you have a lot of memories and good times?”

Her response, “I’d have to say Lake Floyd.  It’s the place where I grew up, and it is really special to me.”

I thought, then spoke “Well, is there any place in particular around the lake that is particularly special for you? It’s kind of a big place.”

“The middle of the lake, I used to love rowing out there and sitting—it’s just so quiet and peaceful.”

And that’s when I knew that when I asked Jamie to marry me, it was going to be in the middle of Lake Floyd…

And what about you?  What are some special and sacred places for you?

One More Permission

Jamie and I had been in a relationship for a long time, and once again I found myself looking for an opportunity to sit down with Jamie’s dad to ask permission of him.  This time it was to ask for his permission to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  It was a one of a kind conversation, and had it’s fair share of humor in the brief exchange.

It was mother’s day 2010, and Jamie and I drove to Lake Floyd to spend a little time with her parents.  I was praying for the right time to ask her dad, and for an opportunity, but I knew that much of my summer I would be out of town and traveling.  I had a 5-10 minute window on Sunday morning before church while Jamie was taking a a shower, so I took my opportunity.

“Hey Les, could I talk to you for a minute”

“Sure”

We sat down in the living room, and I started.

“I’ve never done this before, and I hope I never have to do this again”--masterfully eloquent I know.

We both laughed a little bit, and I continued, “but I’d like to ask your permission to ask Jamie to marry me.”

“Sure. Kim and I felt like we might have this conversation soon.  When were you thinking about asking her?”

“I was thinking sometime over the next month or two.  I’m going to be meeting with a friend tonight who is a gem cutter about possible rings and gemstones.”

“When were you thinking about a wedding date?” 

“I was thinking sometime next May or June, after she finishes her Master’s degree.”

“Well what if she says no?”

“I never thought about that, that’s a good question!”

“You know nobody bats 1.000 right?”

We both laughed, and I told him my plans for asking her.  He asked me to let me know if there was anything he and his wife could do to assist.

And then Jamie came out of the shower and we all drove to South Ridge Church.  Les told his wife about our conversation, but Jamie would have to remain in the dark for a few more weeks . . .

Permissions and Clearances

Now I’ve been interested in people before, and I’ve even dated some, but I haven’t spent that much time in the dating sphere.  Honestly, for a long time I called myself a “bachelor to the rapture” because I really wondered if it wasn’t best for me to be single.  I believe that if you are going to be married or in a relationship that the person you are with should be a complement to you, should spur your growth, and should be someone with whom you can pursue your faith in a meaningful way.  I further believe that friends and family provide some of the best guidance and perspective when it comes to whether or not to pursue someone.

I had talked to a handful of friends in the days before the ‘Bubble Tea Episode’ and they all thought Jamie was absolutely wonderful.  After Jamie had let me know the answer she had received through prayer, I told her that before we pursue anything further, that we needed to ask for a few people’s thoughts about it, and the first people I wanted to talk to were her mom and dad.

There were a couple of reasons for this.  The first being that quite simply, courting/dating relationships shouldn’t be entered into lightly, and it is honorable and right to ask a woman’s parent’s permission before entering into a dating relationship.  Mind you, I had never done this before, but I just believed that on this occasion, this was the right course of action.  Another reason was because at the time we started dating, I was leading a ministry in the church that Jamie was part of.  I wanted Jamie’s parents to know that I wasn’t some creepy church guy who was preying on their daughter (unfortunately there really are people like that and it’s a tragedy that they turn people away from the faith).  If those reasons were not enough, a month prior to asking Jamie about dating, I had a dream in which I drove to Jamie’s parents to ask their permission to date Jamie.  All in all, it seemed like the right thing to do.

During thanksgiving break, I followed Jamie to Lake Floyd and had lunch with her parents and her.  I explained to them how very special I believed Jamie was, and that I was interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but that I would stop that pursuit immediately if they did not feel that they could bless it, or did not believe it was honorable.  Jamie’s dad had one of the most profound responses I’ve ever heard—it echoed Gamaliel’s statements in the book of acts  (read em).  He said, “Well, if this is God’s will, then there’s nothing we can do to stop it, and if it isn’t, there’s no way it will ever amount to anything.  So we will trust God, and give you our blessing to pursue a relationship with our Jamie.”

After Jamie’s parents, it was time to ask my own family.  I had really never even talked about dating anybody with them in my whole life, but I wanted them to weigh in on it with Jamie.  As I spoke with them after leaving Jamie’s folks they said they thought it was my choice, and they looked forward to meeting her.  My best friend, Willie, expressed some concern over her being a Tarheel fan but other than that, he thought it was great! (Just for reference the photo above was taken just after I told them about Jamie, and just before I let Willie know she was a UNC fan.)

And my final clearance and permission needed to come from the pastors of my church.  Now I don’t think this is necessary for every person, but for me, as a leader in the church, and knowing some of the downright awful things that can happen among ‘leaders’ and members of a congregation, my ultimate concern with all of my asking permission was that I did not want to do anything that would tarnish the name of Christ in mine or Jamie’s lives, nor did I want to do anything that would draw reproach on the church or undermine mine or Jamie’s testimony to the hope we had found in Jesus.  The response of my fellow staff member’s and pastors was enthusiastic and encouraging.

So on December 17, 2008 Jamie and I announced our relationship at a birthday party at the Olive Garden.  While all of my conversations with family, friends, and church leadership might seem a bit over the top, I’m so glad that from the beginning of our relationship we have invited many others to speak into it, to counsel us, and to encourage us in our pursuit of God first, and then our relationship with each other.