A Birthday Reflection And Message For My Father-In-Law

A little note for Jamie's Dad on his birthday...which happens to be the same day as MY dad's birthday!

Les,

I am so tremendously grateful that over the last eight years, we have begun building memories.  I feel privileged to enter into this most recent chapter of the story of Leslie Ivan Reaser. Over these last few years you have become a friend, a father, a teacher, an example, and a brother to me, and I know that you have spent a lifetime serving in these capacities for many others.

I remember very clearly the November day in 2008 I drove to Lake Floyd, following Jamie home during Thanksgiving break, to have the conversation with you and Kim and to humbly ask your permission to date Jamie. After I asked, you shared with me wise and succinct series of words that have stuck with me to this day. Well, the way I see it, if the Lord is in it, there’s nothing I could do to stop it, and if He isn’t, well this will not amount to anything anyway. I appreciate you teaching me and even more, for taking your own step of faith and trusting me to court/date Jamie.

I also remember watching and learning from your example over the next few years. You would regularly go out of your way to help friends and neighbors around the lake, and even though the selfishness and lack of gratitude you would see in others might leave you frustrated, you would keep on serving, and teaching others to do the same. Going with you guys to serve on Christmas day by doing the jobs nobody really wanted to do, and doing them well comes to mind as well. I think those Christmas afternoons doing dishes had a strong impact on who Jamie has become, and they certainly have given me a more rounded understanding of exactly what we are celebrating on Christmas too!

And then, there was the second conversation. About a month before I asked Jamie to marry me, I asked your permission to ask her. Again, our conversation sticks out so clearly in my mind because it had all of the color, humor, and sincerity of the family we were becoming. You wisely reminded me after granting permission that I should consider what might happen if she said no. Nobody bats a thousand you know. Every step of the way I have been hope-filled and faith-filled and yet prepared mentally in case things didn’t go as planned. Thank you for that wisdom.

I remember vividly the text telling me and my groomsmen that it was “Go time!” on the day of the wedding. I remember sharing tears in a sacred moment as you walked Jamie down the aisle and we officially became family. 

I remember road trips together through the years as well—like the time when Jamie swam a mile in the Chesapeake Bay and we all traveled out to support her! And then there was the time when we shared a car and a room for Cindy’s wedding, and we found an endless hill while running around Warrenton VA. Man I thought that hill would never end! We kept going right on up it and right through town though.

Alongside all of these memories, I also remember when you asked me to speak at your mom’s funeral. We have had many great conversations around the word of God and encouraged one another in our journey’s with Christ, but I remember how much you worked to make sure that everyone was taken care of during the day of your mother’s memorial—you rose early to begin preparations, and you continued to serve and care for others by returning the clubhouse to its original state. And, I still remember Doris’ smile and joy-filled laughter. And I hear that same joy when you and I share a laugh together. 

Not only do you inspire me with your resolute and tenacious faith and commitment to service, but also in your commitment to your physical well-being as well. You are diligently committed to logging, tracking, and improving your diet—I’m so glad My Fitness Pal has been working so well for you—you’ve got several years under your belt now! Your commitment to your physical fitness has inspired Jamie, myself, and many others to get after it in the early morning while most of the world is sleeping—but we are still not quite getting up as early as you do.

Thanks so much for helping so many of us to be better than we would be otherwise. As you journey into a new year, may you be blessed as much as you have blessed so many others with your presence and example! I'm truly grateful for you, and I love you lots!

The Ring Part 6 Some Spiritual Thoughts About The Process

As I was writing about the process of making Jamie’s engagement ring, I couldn’t help but think about a spiritual correlation.  I think God finds us on this earth as rough sapphires.  He applies heat and pressure, and begins to shave away aspects of our lives that do not reflect light brilliantly.  For us, the process is often painful.  Nobody likes having our rough spots grinded away until they are smooth as glass.

But God does this, and over time, there is a brilliance and light that emanates from us with increasing brightness, that is if we abandon ourselves to the trustworthy skill and expertise of God the gem-cutter.  If not, we may never develop our full potential.

But every time we yield another aspect of our life, to the Creator, he is able to create another facet.  And then, we reflect light.  We don’t produce it from within, but rather, the light enters us like it enters a gem, it bounces around, and then radiates outward like some kind of divinely orchestrated spark or sparkle.  When you see someone whose life seems to radiate a great light, it is a mark of the master jeweler who has been cutting away and working toward’s creating a masterpiece out of that person’s life.  You see, we aer God’s masterpiece, we are his precious gems that he created for the purpose of emanating love, joy, piece, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. In a world in which we need to see more of these things.

May you be yielded in the hands of the Master as he brings out your brilliance and enables you to reflect and shine His light in this world.

The Ring Part 4--Indigenous Stone

Doug started making calls to mines around the country to find that there was only one mine in the country that was still producing topaz.  It was in Texas, and the mine owner was also a gem cutter.  She insisted that she cut the stone, and was charging a very steep price for her topaz. 

I don’t think I mentioned this earlier, but as Doug and I had our initial discussion, he offered to cut whatever stone we were able to get.  If he found something, he would order it, and then would cut it for me.  Doug’s a pretty amazing dude.

So as Doug commences calling mines, he gets in touch with the owner of a sapphire mine in Montana who had just discovered two rough blue sapphires.  He said that if I wanted one, he would take the other, and would keep it for his own collection.  I gave him the ok, and he placed the order.

Just so you know, if you are thinking about trying this, there are no guarantees with purchasing rough stone.  As you cut into the stone, there may be impurities, fractures, and the like that emerge.  Sometimes stones will be heat treated to burn away many of the impurities.  The stones Doug was working with came out of the earth as is.

Also, if you are thinking about doing something like this, it takes time and effort.  It’s not as simple as clicking a couple of buttons or going to the jewelry store and swiping a credit card.  In order to do it, you need to plan ahead, and give time for the turn around.  From start to finish of everything it took around a month.  I believe it was worth it.

The Ring Part 1 Do No Harm

Over the next few posts, I am hoping to share some thoughts and reflections around the process of the creation of Jamie's ring. Hope you enjoy them.

As I mentioned before, I initially wanted a hand crafted silver ring that was made by a tribal elder to be the ring with which I proposed to Jamie, but that just wasn’t working out.  Jamie had mentioned that she loved silver, and that she’d like her ring to be made from this precious metal.  She and I had also discussed that no matter what, we didn’t want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on the ring, or purchase a precious stone that could be associated with conflict, slavery. 

You might be wondering what I mean by conflict.  If you have seen or heard of the movie “Blood Diamond” you have some idea.  You see, many of the precious stones that make their way into our jewelry here in the United States come from places known for political instability, extreme poverty, and violence.   Poor people become forced laborers, and are compelled to search for these precious stones.  Then, the  guerrilla or terrorist group that forces these people to work take the stones.  They sell the stones in global markets, and use the precious stone trade to fund their operations, and continue to oppress other men, women and children.

It’s a very ugly situation, but we are significantly removed from the reality of it when we walk into the local jewelry store and go online to purchase a gift.  Early in our relationship, Jamie and I watched the movie Blood Diamond, and made a conscious decision that if we continued in our relationship and became husband and wife that we would not support the diamond trade, and that we would seek to do no harm with our purchase.

One of the things about Jamie that impresses me about her is her heart for justice (that could be a blog post in itself), and her practical mentality about material goods.  She and I both strive to thoughtfully love our neighbors, and one of the ways we wanted to do this was to go against the grain of normal wedding rings.  I don’t believe anybody sets in their mind to do harm by the purchase of an engagement ring or other jewelry.  Honestly, as I said before, we are so far removed from the conflicts associated with these precious stones that we just don’t know what evil we may be participating in when we make a purchase.

The Place

Back in April 2010 I went to visit some folks from my tribe who live along the Ohio River. Me and my best friend in the whole world, Willie, picked up some tobacco as per our tribal tradition while on our way (you should always bring some form of tobacco as a gift when visiting an elder or spiritual leader), since we were visiting the oldest living elder of our tribe.  His name is Flying Duck, and he is the brother of our tribe’s former principle chief.  He and his sons are pretty amazing artisans, and in particular he and one of his sons work with silver.

The reason for our visit was twofold.  The first reason was because Flying Duck is an elder, and regrettably for both Willie and myself it had been far too long since we last visited him.  The second reason was because I was hoping to ask him and his son if they could make an engagement/wedding band for me to offer Jamie as I asked for her hand in marriage.  Shawnee people have a long tradition in silver-work, and for many other tribes, the word used to describe the Shawnee meant “the silver people.”

As Willie and I drove the narrow country road that led away from the Ohio River along a small stream on Rush Run Road, my mind flooded with memories.  We had driven this road many times before to visit Flying Duck and other Shawnee who lived in the area.  We had roofed a house there, gone to church there, attended funerals there, and on many occasions sat in the house where Flying Duck and Raincrow grew up.

Every time I visit, I sit down in an old wooden chair that sat next to an old wooden table in the dining room, and sometimes, Flying Duck talk about the table and chair. Shawnee people love to tell stories. "Billy, a lot of very deeply spiritual people have sat at that table.  Many of the most committed Christians I have ever known have sat exactly where you are sitting.  Raincrow, my grandmother, and my mother have all sat in that space.  We’ve hosted missionaries, preachers and others and they have sat right here at that table for meals.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Alexander Reed? Dr. Alexander Reed was a missionary to Africa and he had a huge crush on my mother.  Lot’s of men did because she was beautiful, and very godly.  Every time Dr. Alexander Reed would return from Africa, he would come visit for Sunday dinner after church and would share stories with our family of his missions in Africa.  Lot’s of powerful Christians have sat where you sit Billy, and it’s an honor to have you sit there too!”

And so we would sit and listen and share stories.  It’s a bit of the Indian way.  On this trip, it was more of the same, and although Flying Duck and his son felt they would be unable to help me make a unique ring, we certainly enjoyed catching up, and sharing stories.  I remember my drive back to Columbus with Willie, and just how nostalgic we had become from our visit to a place and to people with whom we had many special memories.

As I talked with Jamie about it the next day, it sparked a question.  “Where’s the most special place on earth for you, where you have a lot of memories and good times?”

Her response, “I’d have to say Lake Floyd.  It’s the place where I grew up, and it is really special to me.”

I thought, then spoke “Well, is there any place in particular around the lake that is particularly special for you? It’s kind of a big place.”

“The middle of the lake, I used to love rowing out there and sitting—it’s just so quiet and peaceful.”

And that’s when I knew that when I asked Jamie to marry me, it was going to be in the middle of Lake Floyd…

And what about you?  What are some special and sacred places for you?

Bubble Tea Will Never Be The Same

It was October 19^th, 2008, and the place was a little spot in Morgantown called Bubble Sikaku.  It was an Asian Tea place that sold bubble tea.  Bubble Tea is a delicious drink that has small tapioca balls in the bottom of it. It comes in a variety of flavors and styles, and I believe one could spend years drinking it without exhausting the combinations.  I had chosen Bubble Tea for the place where we would meet.

I had hoped to meet up the day before, go for a bike ride to Apple Annie’s, and then take a drive to Cooper’s Rock, but we couldn’t do that because of schedule conflicts—she was attending a wedding with another guy.  So I waited for the meeting, and planned it for the next day.

When I was scheduling our meeting, she asked if other people could join us, and I told her that I would rather just talk to her.  She asked if she was in trouble or getting fired, and I let her know that she wasn’t in trouble but that I just wanted to talk.

As she came into the space and we sat down, I started by thanking her for her friendship.  We had been friends for three years, and she had become one of my most trusted friends.  She and her mom came to my mother’s funeral, and I had encouraged several guys to pursue a relationship with her because she was such a catch.  And recently, I had wondered if maybe I should stop encouraging other guys to date her.

I told her that we had been spending a lot of time together, and that I really enjoyed every moment of it.  I didn’t believe we had crossed the line of “too much” time, but I felt like we were getting close to that line, and that if I really wanted to honor God, and honor her, I needed to talk in more detail about our relationship.  I wanted to get to know her better, and I was beginning to believe that I either needed to begin to pursue a relationship with her, or back off in our quality time together significantly.

So I shared my feelings with her, and how special and treasured she was to me, and how I had no idea what the future had in store, but that I would love to find out.  Maybe we would only end up being really great friends, but maybe there was something more.

She didn’t talk much.  She didn’t pour her Bubble Tea out on my head either, so it didn’t go entirely badly.  She told me that she was honored and flattered, and although the thought had never crossed her mind about it before, she wanted to take time and pray about it. 

And so she prayed, and I waited.  And after a few weeks of prayer, she let me know that YES, she would be interested in seeing what a relationship together might look like.

Bachelor to the Rapture No More

For the longest time, perhaps for about as long as I’ve been a Christian, I’ve used the term “Bachelor to the Rapture” to describe my relationship status.  I first heard the term from my long time friend Andy Manzo, and it quickly developed into my relationship mantra.  In my mind, I felt like perhaps the best way I could serve God was to do it as a single individual.   That’s not to say that there weren’t people who caught my eye, or who I even considered and pursued for a bit between 1995 and now.  But each time, there was a clarity brought about to indicate to me and/or the other person, that this wasn’t the best match up.

Recently, that all changed.  There was a young lady who over a three year period became one of my closest friends.  We would spend time together often among a larger group of friends, and neither of us looked at the other as a person to pursue for a potential relationship.  But something changed during the fall of 2008, and I began to wonder if I should pursue her as something more than a friend.

So why her?  I’m not sure if I can enumerate all of the reasons, but I can tell you it starts with her faith in Jesus. She is one of the most genuine faith-filled people I have ever met.  There’s something about her that radiates the joy she has in God, and anybody who spends much time with her sees the same attribute.  She loves God, the deep abiding kind of love that saturates every area of life.  Beyond this, she loves people.  In the years that we were friends, I don’t think I ever heard her say a mean thing about another person.  Beyond this, I would regularly see her go out of her way to welcome new people, and comfort those who would be standing at the fringes of our faith community in Morgantown.  She would regularly give of her time and energy to help others realize their potential, to weep with them, and to rejoice with them.  Beyond these two attributes, Jamie truly loves life!  She brings a contagious enthusiasm to everything she does, and people absolutely love her. 

Jamie is set apart from every other person I have ever met.  She is one of the most thoughtful, tender, and nurturing people I know.  If you’ve met her, you know exactly what I mean.  If you haven’t met her yet, I hope you have the opportunity!

I am a “bachelor to the rapture no more,” and I’m looking forward to spending many wonderful years better getting to know this woman who has so enamored my heart.

In future posts I’ll unveil more of the story, and more of how things have transpired since fall 2008, and how Jamie Reaser went from being one of my close friends to my fiancée.