Sunday, February 24, 2008

Desperate Sex Lives

This photo was "borrowed" from a sister church's website. Some of my friends down in blacksburg (yes, I do have friends in blacksburg) did a series last fall on dating and relationships (with the same title), and I thought it would be good to talk about the subject here in Morgantown.

So our current series at h2o is called Desperate Sex Lives, and over the last couple weeks we have been discussing what it means to be single, and how to set some criteria for dating in a godly way. Unfortunately our media, movies, and music have done a terrible job of presenting young and women with a healthy understanding of sexuality and relationships.

So last week, we talked specifically about guys taking the initiative with regard to pursuing a relationship. Many guys prefer to not say anything, and end up not taking care of other's hearts in the process. On the flip side, women can at times say they aren't interested in a guy verbally, while all of their non-verbals (quality time, proximity, etc.) send an entirely different message. Instead of continuing in non-committal and confusing relationships, we encouraged folks to express their intentions clearly and support what is verbally expressed in action.

And from what I've heard, the talk from last week has created quite a stir in our little faith community. People are really taking stock of their lives in this area of relationships, and I think it is a good thing. I think some folks are setting some standards in their lives that they may not have previously considered.

This week, we talked a little more about being intentional about our approach, and for guys to be willing to be vulnerable by declaring their interest.

In the words of the author Donald Miller, " I think if you like somebody, you have to tell them. It might be embarrassing to say it, but you will never regret stepping up. I know from personal experience, however, that you should not keep telling a girl that you like her after she tells you she isn’t into it. You should not keep riding your bike by her house either."

We also took it a step further and talked about the importance of fleeing sexual immorality and maintaining standards of purity when dating. Unfortunately not many people have these conversations it appears, and we leave tv and movies to teach us how to live and relate to each other.

Next week, we will be talking about the difference between love and lust, and ways young men and women can take proactive steps to overcome lust in their lives.


BigMama said...

Philip Yancey in his book "Rumors of Another World" has a chapter entitled Designer Sex. It's one of the best treatments on the way the world & the Church have messed up this whole sex thing. It's one of my favorite essays about sexuality. (And having been on the board of directors of a message board specifically about married sex for most of my marriage, I've read an awful lot of essays about it! LOL!)

I do pray that you're able to encourage healthy sexuality among those you're ministering to over the next few weeks. God certainly desires this to be a joyous part of marriage and the Enemy would certainly like to diminish & destroy that joy. Be blessed as you tackle this difficult (!!) subject!

Len said...

Nina *strongly suggested* that I read, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris when I was "interested" in her. We abided by that model and it was the best thing we could've done.

I wholeheartedly recommend following that model, especially when things can go so wrong in dating relationships these days, even Christian dating. Caveat- if you read that book, you have to read the follow up, "Boy Meets Girl" or you'll get too discouraged.

Some people bedgrudge this model, but I find that those people are less happy and less successful in their dating relationships. Not only that, they often leave a wake of destruction and heartache which we, as a church, simply don't need.

She also fervently applied Proverbs 4:23. She had to since there were 3 other men interested in her at the same time as me. *Lucky me!*

FYI- once she recommended those books, I read them in three days - both of them.

The Lumberjack said...

It is good to know that there are still Christians out there who want to date/court (whatever you want to call it) God's way. Honestly, I get impatient doing it His way, but I have managed to do nothing but screw things up when I do it my way. So I'm trying to be patient & grow in contentment & focus on Him.