Desperate Sex Lives Q and A

Last night we finished our most recent series at h2o with a question and answer session. People could email, text, write down, or just stand up and ask questions regarding any of the subjects we covered over the last few weeks. This could be a pretty thorny predicament (hence the photo), but in the end it was really a unique and different experience for our community. (It was probably also among the shortest talks ever given at h2o!)

Folks asked some really great questions from "Is there such a thing as being TOO HONEST with regard to intentions for a relationship?" and "Where does one get the courage to MAN-UP and initiating a relationship?" to "Is it ok to call out someone of the opposite sex if they are leading you on and not committing?" and "Is it ok for men and women to sleep in the same bed?"

I really appreciated the honesty of the questions that were generated. I also appreciated the discussions that followed our event. It's had me thinking that perhaps this would be a good exercise in the future as well. While Q and A times can be more than a little unpredictable, they encourage greater participation and engagement from individuals, and help everyone in the room to really think about what is being discussed.

Our next series won't start until March 30th, and will involve three different speakers during the three weeks of the series, We will be discussing how Christians are perceived by those outside the faith, and what we need to do about it.

Ultimately, with any subject discussed our Bible is the ultimate source, and perhaps the Q and A time was encouraging for people to not only hear answers and thoughts on a subject, but also to hear the scripture application behind the answers. When you answer people's questions, do you answer with your best guess, or do you seek to bring in the full counsel of scripture to inform your insights?

As we yield ourselves more and more to the wisdom of a 5000 year old text, we find ourselves finding greater and greater stability in a world in which change seems to be the only constant. Thankfully, the scriptures can guide every aspect of our lives, even our sexuality. When we yield our lives to the story of God, we give people a little sign of the beauty of life found in abiding in Christ.

Desperate Sex Lives Continued

So I'm giving everyone another day to find out what Dr. Sleeth's top three environmental suggestions from his visit on Monday February 18th. In the meantime, I thought I would continue the monday tradition of sharing a brief synopsis of our h2o message from Sunday night. We've been covering some pretty serious issues that young people are struggling with, and it's been really thought provoking and eye-opening for all who have been attending.

Three weeks ago, we started a two week series at h2o on relationships, dating, and purity called Desperate Sex Lives. We "borrowed" the title from some of my friends in Blacksburg who had a similar series last fall. We have expanded the series by two additional weeks because this subject is of tremendous interest and importance to college students and young professionals, and folks really want guidance in relationships and help in overcoming sin in this area.

Next week we are going to simply have a question and answer time on all of the topics covered/overlooked over the last three weeks, so if you could be praying for wisdom, I would appreciate it!

This past week we talked about lust and sexual impurity. During the message we talked about everything from pornography to maintaining sexual purity in dating relationships. Did you know that according to XXXchurch.com that 50% of Christian men are addicted to pornography, and nearly one in four women wrestle with this same problem? One person has been quoted as saying if Christians would stop using pornography it would put a serious dent in the industry.

We talked about sexual sin, and why sin in this area hurts so much, and why it hurts so many people. We talked about why we are even tempted to give in to this area that the Bible clearly speaks against. it isn't that sex is a bad thing. Face it, if you are reading this blog, it's because a couple of people had sex and brought you into this world. The problem is that sex has a proper context--marriage, and when we ignore that context it hurts us and everyone around us.

Really the essence of the struggle with sin in this area is a question of ourselves and of God. Men wonder if they are really men, if they have what it takes, and women wonder if they are loved--and so men and women go to sex to have these deep questions answered. Only God can answer these questions, but deep down, many experience a lack of trust or deep belief that God is good.

As we talked about this subject and about the need not simply for behavior modification (although for some, changing behaviors is a necessary starting point), we shared that the real need is a change in our heart that only Jesus can do. We need him to change our heart so we can live differently and experience life abundantly. In order for him to do that, we need to be willing to let Him in, and to begin to trust Him.

Beyond that key element to overcoming sin in this area, we shared a few resources that can be helpful. Here they are.

Accountability (tell someone you are struggling so they can pray for you and help you overcome sexual sin)
Prayer (we need to seek God's help to overcome)
Scripture (Psalm 119.9 says "How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.)
Computer Software--if you are struggling with pornography, there is FREE software that will monitor your internet habits, and send an email to your personal accountability partner. Even if you aren't struggling with this area, you might want to just put this software on your on your computer. Click here for the software. X3watch.
Avoiding temptation (Proverbs 26.20 "For lack of wood, the fire goes out)

I realize that this isn't a fun topic to talk about. I realize that for some reading this blog there may be shock and disdain for sharing about such a taboo subject. For others, maybe this blog can be a first step for you in overcoming sexual sin. None of us are immune to temptation.

I Corinthians 10:12-13 "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

Thankfully, we all have a rescuer in Jesus Christ. May more and more men and women find their identity in being the Beloved of an amazingly gracious and loving God, and as we do this, may that love transform our world and overwhelm others.

Desperate Sex Lives

This photo was "borrowed" from a sister church's website. Some of my friends down in blacksburg (yes, I do have friends in blacksburg) did a series last fall on dating and relationships (with the same title), and I thought it would be good to talk about the subject here in Morgantown.

So our current series at h2o is called Desperate Sex Lives, and over the last couple weeks we have been discussing what it means to be single, and how to set some criteria for dating in a godly way. Unfortunately our media, movies, and music have done a terrible job of presenting young and women with a healthy understanding of sexuality and relationships.

So last week, we talked specifically about guys taking the initiative with regard to pursuing a relationship. Many guys prefer to not say anything, and end up not taking care of other's hearts in the process. On the flip side, women can at times say they aren't interested in a guy verbally, while all of their non-verbals (quality time, proximity, etc.) send an entirely different message. Instead of continuing in non-committal and confusing relationships, we encouraged folks to express their intentions clearly and support what is verbally expressed in action.

And from what I've heard, the talk from last week has created quite a stir in our little faith community. People are really taking stock of their lives in this area of relationships, and I think it is a good thing. I think some folks are setting some standards in their lives that they may not have previously considered.

This week, we talked a little more about being intentional about our approach, and for guys to be willing to be vulnerable by declaring their interest.

In the words of the author Donald Miller, " I think if you like somebody, you have to tell them. It might be embarrassing to say it, but you will never regret stepping up. I know from personal experience, however, that you should not keep telling a girl that you like her after she tells you she isn’t into it. You should not keep riding your bike by her house either."

We also took it a step further and talked about the importance of fleeing sexual immorality and maintaining standards of purity when dating. Unfortunately not many people have these conversations it appears, and we leave tv and movies to teach us how to live and relate to each other.

Next week, we will be talking about the difference between love and lust, and ways young men and women can take proactive steps to overcome lust in their lives.